February 28, 2021 Archaeologists Uncover First Recorded Tier List in Ancient Rome Archaeologists Uncover First Recorded Tier List in Ancient Rome ROME — After reconstructing an ancient piece of pottery featuring various Roman gladiators categorized by their perceived strength, ability, and matchup spread, a team of…
February 26, 2021 Mortal Kombat Fan Pissed Robocop Isn’t in the Movie Mortal Kombat Fan Pissed Robocop Isn’t in the Movie APACHE JUNCTION, Ariz. — A self proclaimed superfan of the Mortal Kombat video game series was reportedly livid after discovering that the upcoming film adaptation…
February 24, 2021 Sonic the Hedgehog Found Crushed to Death Inside Vegas Slot Machine Sonic the Hedgehog Found Crushed to Death Inside Vegas Slot Machine LAS VEGAS — Tragedy struck at the Bellagio Hotel & Casino today, as the squished and dismembered carcass of beloved cultural icon Sonic the Hedgehog…
February 20, 2021 Sony Advises Gamers Against Cracking Apart PS5 Like Delicious Pistachio Sony Advises Gamers Against Cracking Apart PS5 Like Delicious Pistachio TOKYO — In an effort to prevent damage to their products, the game publisher and console manufacturer Sony urged customers not to pull apart the…
February 19, 2021 Mars Rover Immediately Fills All Inventory Slots With Ferrite Dust Mars Rover Immediately Fills All Inventory Slots With Ferrite Dust PASADENA, Calif. — Mars rover Perseverance has already been filled to the brim with ferrite dust, engineers announced this morning. “We kinda just aimed the…
February 19, 2021 Director of Upcoming Game ‘Shoot JFK in the Fucking Head’ Insists It Won’t Be Political in Nature Director of Upcoming Game ‘Shoot JFK in the Fucking Head’ Insists It Won’t Be Political in Nature LOS ANGELES — The director of an upcoming first person shooter set in Dallas during the 1960s, Shoot JFK in the Fucking Head, has insisted…
February 18, 2021 Initial Probe of Mars Surface Reveals no New Information on Metroid Prime 4 Initial Probe of Mars Surface Reveals no New Information on Metroid Prime 4 WASHINGTON — NASA’s Perseverance rover has landed on Mars and reportedly discovered no new information about Nintendo’s upcoming video game, Metroid Prime 4. “Oh man,…
February 17, 2021 Fans Rage After Learning Post Malone’s Pokémon Concert Won’t Contain All His Songs Fans Rage After Learning Post Malone’s Pokémon Concert Won’t Contain All His Songs REDMOND, Wash. — The Pokémon Company has stirred controversy after revealing the upcoming concert celebrating the franchise’s 25th Anniversary will not contain every song Post…
February 15, 2021 New ‘Assassin’s Creed’ to Be Set in Ancient Era When Donald Trump Was President New ‘Assassin’s Creed’ to Be Set in Ancient Era When Donald Trump Was President MONTREAL — Following the success of Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, Ubisoft hinted that their next game would delve further into history than ever before, taking place…
