October 16, 2020 Gamer Downloads Hot New Multiplayer Game Just in Time for Friends to Move On Gamer Downloads Hot New Multiplayer Game Just in Time for Friends to Move On BANGOR, Maine — Local gamer Ned Price finally downloaded a multiplayer game his friends have been playing nonstop for weeks, only to discover that they’ve…
October 15, 2020 Roguelike Fan Also Starts Each New Day With Nothing Roguelike Fan Also Starts Each New Day With Nothing ANKENY, Iowa — Unemployed and recently single roguelike enthusiast Daryl Cain says that he feels a strong connection to the genre, because he also starts…
October 14, 2020 Gamer Pokes Head Back Into Smash Bros. Ultimate to Play Exactly One Match as Steve Gamer Pokes Head Back Into Smash Bros. Ultimate to Play Exactly One Match as Steve NEW YORK — Local gamer Jesse Nunez excitedly turned on his Switch to download the latest software update for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate so that…
October 13, 2020 Microsoft Introduces Donnie and Luca, the Two Guys Who’ll Be Going Around Collecting Xbox Payments Microsoft Introduces Donnie and Luca, the Two Guys Who’ll Be Going Around Collecting Xbox Payments REDMOND, Wash. — Microsoft revealed some further details about its new payment plans for its upcoming next generation consoles, introducing Donnie and Luca, two employees…
October 11, 2020 Speedrunner Doesn’t Believe Girlfriend’s Tool-Assisted Orgasm Valid Speedrunner Doesn’t Believe Girlfriend’s Tool-Assisted Orgasm Valid SACRAMENTO — Video game speedrunner Ashton Clemens insisted that a significant portion of his girlfriend’s orgasms were completed incorrectly, arguing that manual orgasms with non-modified…
October 11, 2020 Origin of Fake News Traced Back to Friend Saying He Played ‘Pokemon Purple’ in 2002 Origin of Fake News Traced Back to Friend Saying He Played ‘Pokemon Purple’ in 2002 WASHINGTON — Researchers have discovered that the origin of the “fake news” phenomenon stretches all the way back to 2002, when your friend Dennis McNulty…
October 11, 2020 Game Produced Without Crunch Unless You Count the Delicious Crunch of These Sweet Chili Doritos Game Produced Without Crunch Unless You Count the Delicious Crunch of These Sweet Chili Doritos SEATTLE — Tire Tactics, the newly released car combat title from Spitfire Games, has been commended for being produced while respecting employees’ working conditions and…
October 8, 2020 Tony Hawk Controversially Wins Tournament After Being Allowed Two Dozen Restarts Tony Hawk Controversially Wins Tournament After Being Allowed Two Dozen Restarts MIAMI — Professional skateboarder Tony Hawk surprised the skateboarding community after winning a tournament by successfully convincing the judges to let him start over consequence-free…
October 8, 2020 New Study Finds Crows Really Wish They Could Play Video Games New Study Finds Crows Really Wish They Could Play Video Games DOWNERS GROVE, Ill. — A study by scientists at Midwestern University has revealed that not only are crows capable of sensory consciousness, but that they…
