January 24, 2021 Beware: If We Make Minimum Wage $15 Then People Won’t Need Two Jobs, Meaning They’ll Have Leisure Time, Meaning There Will Be More Gamers Beware: If We Make Minimum Wage $15 Then People Won’t Need Two Jobs, Meaning They’ll Have Leisure Time, Meaning There Will Be More Gamers The national debate over minimum wage has raged on in the United States ever since President Biden made it an immediate priority for his administration.…
January 19, 2021 New York City Council Votes on Placement of Huge Booster Ramp to Decrease Traffic New York City Council Votes on Placement of Huge Booster Ramp to Decrease Traffic NEW YORK — Tempers flared at city hall today as both sides made their opinions known about the potential addition of a giant glowing ramp…
January 18, 2021 Man Who Wasted Youth Playing Video Games Vows To Waste Old Age Playing Video Games Man Who Wasted Youth Playing Video Games Vows To Waste Old Age Playing Video Games BOSTON — Resolving to himself that things in his life would be exactly the same as they used to be from now on, local man…
January 17, 2021 Gamer Sits Through Credits of Game to Memorize Names of 300 QA Testers Gamer Sits Through Credits of Game to Memorize Names of 300 QA Testers SIOUX FALLS, S.D. — Respectfully ignoring the opportunity to press the X button and skip the entire sequence, local gamer Louis Moore reportedly sat through…
January 15, 2021 Biden Clarifies That $2,000 Check Will Be Next-Gen Upgrade in Late 2021 Biden Clarifies That $2,000 Check Will Be Next-Gen Upgrade in Late 2021 WASHINGTON, D.C. — Responding to criticism over his planned $1,400 stimulus check, President-elect Joe Biden clarified that a full $2,000 version would be coming to…
January 15, 2021 Guy Who Takes 4,000 Photos of His Cat a Year Doesn’t Understand Appeal of Pokémon Snap Guy Who Takes 4,000 Photos of His Cat a Year Doesn’t Understand Appeal of Pokémon Snap NEW YORK — Local gamer Jared Kalashnik reportedly told friends today that he just cannot understand the appeal of Pokémon Snap, despite taking over 4,000…
January 13, 2021 CD Projekt Red Relieved to Have Only Second-Worst Rollout of the Past Year CD Projekt Red Relieved to Have Only Second-Worst Rollout of the Past Year WARSAW — Executives at CD Projekt Red breathed a sigh of relief as the disastrous launch of Cyberpunk 2077 dropped to the second-worst rollout of…
January 11, 2021 Sony Schedules PS5 Drop for Precise Moment Local Man Looks Away From Screen Sony Schedules PS5 Drop for Precise Moment Local Man Looks Away From Screen POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y. — Aspiring PS5 owner John Blatzby has reportedly found some consistency in Sony’s seemingly random PS5 drops, claiming the company always schedules a…
January 10, 2021 No One at Mario’s High School Reunion Sure What He’s Talking About No One at Mario’s High School Reunion Sure What He’s Talking About GREAT NECK, N.Y. — Plumber, adventurer, and class of 1985 graduate Mario Mario reportedly confused the majority of his graduating class as he told old…
