April 25, 2018 Amazon Acquires Hasbro to Become Exclusive Seller of Monopoly Amazon Acquires Hasbro to Become Exclusive Seller of Monopoly SEATTLE — In a move widely expected by the industry, Amazon has acquired the board game giant Hasbro with the intention of being the singular…
April 19, 2018 True Neutral Woman Considers Herself Chaotic Good True Neutral Woman Considers Herself Chaotic Good ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local roleplaying enthusiast Susan Warburton, confirmed to be “true neutral” on the alignment chart by close friends and family, considers herself to…
April 17, 2018 Recently Divorced Man Flicks Metaphorical Cigarette into Gasoline by Buying Magic the Gathering Starter Pack Recently Divorced Man Flicks Metaphorical Cigarette into Gasoline by Buying Magic the Gathering Starter Pack NANTICOKE, Pa. — After going through an arduous divorce, horrified witnesses reported that local resident Andrew Stone said “fuck it” under his breath to himself…
April 15, 2018 Man Drops Thousands of Dollars on Vast Collection of Long, White Boxes Man Drops Thousands of Dollars on Vast Collection of Long, White Boxes SAGINAW, Mich. — Local collector, Travis O’Donnell, achieved a personal milestone at Devastator Comics yesterday after spending his ten thousandth dollar on his collection of…
March 30, 2018 Study Finds 100% Correlation Between Winning Board Games and Irresistible Sex Appeal Study Finds 100% Correlation Between Winning Board Games and Irresistible Sex Appeal DENVER — Scientists have announced the discovery of a clear, 100% correlation between the stunning board game skill of sophomore college student Steven Jackson and…
February 27, 2018 Guy Who Bitched for Five Straight Hours Wins Board Game at Last Second Guy Who Bitched for Five Straight Hours Wins Board Game at Last Second BOSTON — After five brutal hours of incessant, imaginative bitching, the well-documented hater of “fruity-ass board games,” Sam Daniels, secured victory with an unexpected capture…
February 11, 2018 Stranger Things Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations About Having Enough Friends to Play D&D Stranger Things Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations About Having Enough Friends to Play D&D Stranger Things is known for its massively talented young actors and nostalgic 1980s Spielberg-esque horror vibes. It features telekinetic children, creatures from other dimensions, and…
January 23, 2018 Only Objective of Complicated Board Game is Accurately Setting It Up Only Objective of Complicated Board Game is Accurately Setting It Up INDIANAPOLIS — The Cyclopean Cycle, a board game so convoluted that players win by merely assembling it correctly, has become one of this year’s most anticipated…
December 28, 2017 Dungeon Master’s Campaign Clearly Allegory for His Recent Break Up Dungeon Master’s Campaign Clearly Allegory for His Recent Break Up PHOENIX — Dave Reynolds, Dungeon Master & Assistant Deli Manager, recently endured the end of his first major relationship and players at his local Dungeons…
