June 27, 2021 Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’ Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’ MIDDLETON, Wis. — Local dipshit and occasional tabletop gamer Christian Taylor has cancelled on his supposedly regular Dungeons and Dragons group yet again with the…
June 12, 2021 Millennial’s Retirement Portfolio Still Has a Few Empty Sleeves Millennial’s Retirement Portfolio Still Has a Few Empty Sleeves EVANSTON, Ill. — 28-year-old bartender Grace Federman reportedly discovered several empty sleeves in her retirement portfolio after going through the Pokémon cards in her parents’…
June 8, 2021 Bishop Zips Across Chessboard Outta Fuckin Nowhere Bishop Zips Across Chessboard Outta Fuckin Nowhere GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — In a major blow that took place just seconds into one of his first casual games, chess player Ezra Kelly was…
May 23, 2021 D&D Player Fails Stealth Check for Fart at Table D&D Player Fails Stealth Check for Fart at Table WEATHERFORD, Okla. — A local tabletop roleplaying group is in disarray after player Joel Robinson failed the stealth check necessary to conceal the rancid fart…
March 6, 2021 Former Cards Against Humanity Writer Keeps Pitching ‘Cum Goblin’ to Wizards of the Coast Former Cards Against Humanity Writer Keeps Pitching ‘Cum Goblin’ to Wizards of the Coast RENTON, Wash. — Former Cards Against Humanity writer Marc Weaver has reportedly frustrated his new coworkers at Magic: the Gathering after repeatedly pitching his idea…
February 27, 2021 Dungeons & Dragons Film Stalled After Chris Pine Chooses Charisma as Dump Stat Dungeons & Dragons Film Stalled After Chris Pine Chooses Charisma as Dump Stat LOS ANGELES — Paramount’s troubled Dungeons & Dragons adaptation hit yet another roadblock today after lead Chris Pine chose Charisma as his dump stat during…
January 21, 2021 Deluxe Edition of Board Game Includes Four Friends Willing to Play and Not Bitch the Whole Time Deluxe Edition of Board Game Includes Four Friends Willing to Play and Not Bitch the Whole Time LOS ALTOS, Calif. — Astral Plane Games, publisher of the popular worker placement board game Solis Occasum, has released a deluxe edition of the game…
December 13, 2020 Single D&D Session Gives New Player Confidence to Buy $50 Worth of Accessories Single D&D Session Gives New Player Confidence to Buy $50 Worth of Accessories ATLANTA — New Dungeons and Dragons enthusiast Clarissa Elliotte reportedly bought $50 worth of accessories after playing her first session of the tabletop roleplaying game.…
