July 20, 2017 Creator of No Man’s Sky Looks Nothing Like His Dating Profile Creator of No Man’s Sky Looks Nothing Like His Dating Profile GUILDFORD, U.K. — Local woman Sarah Letts was severely disappointed today to discover that her Tinder date, No Man’s Sky lead developer Sean Murray, had…
July 19, 2017 Girlfriend Announces ‘No Rush 30 Min’ Rule in Bedroom Girlfriend Announces ‘No Rush 30 Min’ Rule in Bedroom BEDROOM — Local girlfriend Claire Middleton reportedly announced a strict “NR 30 Min” rule at the beginning of an intimate bedroom match with boyfriend and…
July 18, 2017 Help! I Can’t Get Past the Part in Dark Souls 3 Where My Wife Threatens to Take the Kids and Go Help! I Can’t Get Past the Part in Dark Souls 3 Where My Wife Threatens to Take the Kids and Go Help! I’ve been playing Dark Souls nonstop for the past three weeks and I’m completely stuck. Does anyone know how to get past the part…
July 17, 2017 This Guy Made a Fully Functioning Computer in Minecraft That Blocks @notch on Twitter This Guy Made a Fully Functioning Computer in Minecraft That Blocks @notch on Twitter Whoa! We spoke to the brilliant Cody Bigley today, who used hundreds of thousands of blocks in the virtual world of Minecraft to build a…
July 16, 2017 Game of Thrones Show Now Ahead of Local Man’s Masturbation Fantasies Game of Thrones Show Now Ahead of Local Man’s Masturbation Fantasies OAK HILL, Tenn. — Hit TV show Game Of Thrones will officially surpass the plot of Nashville-area resident Drew Cale’s nightly self-pleasuring daydreams with the premiere…
July 14, 2017 Backwoods Meth Tweaker Pumped About WWE2K18 Soundtrack Backwoods Meth Tweaker Pumped About WWE2K18 Soundtrack DALLAS — Travis Skode, a local scrap collector and long time crystal meth addict, proclaimed his satisfaction with the most recent soundtrack of 2K’s WWE2K…
July 14, 2017 GameStop Employee Whips Himself in Back Room After Failing to Sell Pre-Order GameStop Employee Whips Himself in Back Room After Failing to Sell Pre-Order BINGHAMTON, N.Y. — GameStop sales representative Donald Simpson quietly walked to the employee breakroom and proceeded to whip himself after failing to convince a customer…
July 13, 2017 Noobs Find Summer Love While Camping Noobs Find Summer Love While Camping BOISE, Idaho — A romance reportedly blossomed between two teenagers while spawn camping during online matches of Team Fortress 2, a game both were forced…
July 12, 2017 No Trade Backs: Local Mom Set to Appeal Playground Ruling After Botched Charizard Deal No Trade Backs: Local Mom Set to Appeal Playground Ruling After Botched Charizard Deal ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Stephanie Lee, a mother of three, is set to appear before a high playground court tomorrow to appeal the “no trade backs” policy…
