February 15, 2021 New ‘Assassin’s Creed’ to Be Set in Ancient Era When Donald Trump Was President New ‘Assassin’s Creed’ to Be Set in Ancient Era When Donald Trump Was President MONTREAL — Following the success of Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, Ubisoft hinted that their next game would delve further into history than ever before, taking place…
February 14, 2021 Man Convinced He’s Living ‘The Truman Show’ Gonna Masturbate Anyway Man Convinced He’s Living ‘The Truman Show’ Gonna Masturbate Anyway BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Recently divorced movie buff Darren Thorndike has not let his increasingly paranoid suspicion that his life is being secretly recorded and broadcast…
February 13, 2021 Hayao Miyazaki Hospitalized After Son Announces New 4D Smell-O-Vision Film Hayao Miyazaki Hospitalized After Son Announces New 4D Smell-O-Vision Film TOKYO — Legendary filmmaker Hayao Miyazaki has been hospitalized as a result of his son Gorō Miyazaki announcing that his next film will be created…
February 12, 2021 Mass Effect Devs Compromise With Angry Gamers by Giving Commander Shepard Gigantic, Juicy Balls Mass Effect Devs Compromise With Angry Gamers by Giving Commander Shepard Gigantic, Juicy Balls EDMONTON — BioWare has announced a compromise for Mass Effect fans upset about the removal of various butt shots in the Legendary Editions, giving Commander…
February 11, 2021 Innovative Star Wars Actress Becomes Hated for Something Other Than Being a Woman Innovative Star Wars Actress Becomes Hated for Something Other Than Being a Woman LOS ANGELES — The Mandalorian’s Gina Carano has broken new ground for Star Wars by becoming the first actress in the franchise to be hated…
February 11, 2021 Mobile Gamer Discovers 16-Digit Cheat Code Mobile Gamer Discovers 16-Digit Cheat Code HARTFORD, Conn. — Local mobile gamer Jeremy Jackson has drastically improved his performance in gacha game Legend of the Bravest Heroes by discovering a very…
February 10, 2021 Roguelike Genre Purist Hopes Someone Will Develop a Roguelike Someday Roguelike Genre Purist Hopes Someone Will Develop a Roguelike Someday SPOKANE, Wash. — Gamer and self-proclaimed roguelike genre purist Noreen Ramirez, hot off the heels of her tenth no-hit run of the acclaimed roguelite Hades,…
February 9, 2021 CD Projekt Red Pleads With Hackers for Three More Weeks to Meet Demands CD Projekt Red Pleads With Hackers for Three More Weeks to Meet Demands WARSAW — Following a data breach that reportedly involved internal documents and sensitive personal information, game developers CD Projekt Red have released a public statement…
February 9, 2021 Hades Player Horny for Every Character Might Just Be Horny Hades Player Horny for Every Character Might Just Be Horny BROOKLYN, N.Y. — A new study released by researchers at St. Joseph’s College has revealed that Hades players who are horny for all of the…
