August 15, 2019 Fan of Thing Bad Fan of Thing, Says Fan of Thing Fan of Thing Bad Fan of Thing, Says Fan of Thing NEW YORK — Larry Duckworth, fan of an undetermined hobby and/or franchise, reportedly informed Jacob Gallow that he was an inferior fan of the very…
August 15, 2019 RANKED: All 5 MCU Villains We Can Remember RANKED: All 5 MCU Villains We Can Remember Spider-Man:Far From Home is the 23rd film in Marvel’s Cinematic Universe. With all of those movies to think about, we thought this would be a…
August 14, 2019 It’s Time to Face the Facts: Pinky and the Brain Are Never Going to Take Over the World It’s Time to Face the Facts: Pinky and the Brain Are Never Going to Take Over the World As America ages not-so-gracefully into its 240s, with climate change knocking on our doors and tribalism facing all-time highs, it’s time we become realistic about…
August 13, 2019 Anime Girl Has Massive Back Problems After Spending Entire Life With Her Knees Bent In Anime Girl Has Massive Back Problems After Spending Entire Life With Her Knees Bent In KYOTO, Japan — Mitsui Aya, star of the popular anime series Teenage Monster Slayers, has begun experiencing debilitating back pain as a result of spending…
August 13, 2019 Sloth Furry Arrives Three Days Late to Convention Sloth Furry Arrives Three Days Late to Convention ROSEMONT, Ill. — A member of the regional furry community expressed frustration following the Midwest Furfest this past weekend, after his sloth fursona required him…
August 8, 2019 Resurrected TV Show Comes Back Changed, Comes Back Wrong Resurrected TV Show Comes Back Changed, Comes Back Wrong LOS ANGELES — Fans of a popular television show were reportedly horrified to discover the altered state in which it came back to life after…
August 5, 2019 Neil deGrasse Tyson Informs Captive Locked in His Basement That Fear is Illogical Neil deGrasse Tyson Informs Captive Locked in His Basement That Fear is Illogical NEW YORK — Famed scientist Neil deGrasse Tyson told a captive locked up in his basement this evening that his emotional responses were “incredibly illogical,”…
August 3, 2019 Adult Man Walks Past LEGO Aisle a Little Bit Slower Adult Man Walks Past LEGO Aisle a Little Bit Slower MANAHAWKIN, N.J. — Local adult Sam McGrath spent two seconds shooting a brief, wistful glance down the LEGO aisle of a Stafford Target store before…
August 1, 2019 Jeff Bezos Furious to Learn Who Ninja Is Jeff Bezos Furious to Learn Who Ninja Is SEATTLE — After popular streamer Richard “Ninja” Blevins announced today that he was moving from Twitch to Microsoft’s Mixer, Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos…
