May 17, 2021 Biden Has Aides Tattoo Legislature Plans on Body Biden Has Aides Tattoo Legislature Plans on Body WASHINGTON — Drawing inspiration from the Christopher Nolan film Memento, President Joe Biden announced today that he has enlisted aides to tattoo his legislature plans…
May 13, 2021 Earth 616 Residents Wary of New Vaccine Developed by Team of Brilliant Scientists Earth 616 Residents Wary of New Vaccine Developed by Team of Brilliant Scientists NEW YORK — Residents of Earth 616’s New York City are reportedly wary of a new COVID-19 vaccine that was created by the top scientists…
May 11, 2021 Newest Weird Jeff Goldblum Commercial Not Even an Ad for Anything Newest Weird Jeff Goldblum Commercial Not Even an Ad for Anything LOS ANGELES — A national thirty second television spot featuring iconic actor Jeff Goldblum does not appear to actually be spreading awareness of any brand…
May 10, 2021 Jeff Bezos Sees Nothing Wrong With Funding Two Shows About How Lex Luthor’s Arch Nemesis Is Actually the Bad Guy Jeff Bezos Sees Nothing Wrong With Funding Two Shows About How Lex Luthor’s Arch Nemesis Is Actually the Bad Guy SEATTLE — Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos reportedly said today that there’s “nothing weird” about the fact that two popular television shows, The Boys and Invincible,…
April 23, 2021 Magneto’s Credit Cards All Fucked Up Magneto’s Credit Cards All Fucked Up GENOSHA — Brotherhood of Mutants leader Magneto has vowed revenge on humanity for designing credit cards that are destroyed by magnets, making it impossible for…
April 20, 2021 Seth Rogen Battles Quarantine Loneliness By Making Giant Ceramic Jonah Hill Seth Rogen Battles Quarantine Loneliness By Making Giant Ceramic Jonah Hill BURBANK, Calif. — Comedic actor Seth Rogen posted a photo on Instagram today revealing that he had created a 20 foot tall ceramic Jonah Hill…
April 9, 2021 Local Basketball Coach Arrested After Feeding Opposing Star Player Chocolate Local Basketball Coach Arrested After Feeding Opposing Star Player Chocolate FERNFIELD, Wash. — Stephen Cobbs, coach of the Spokane Warriors junior high basketball team, has been arrested after killing Fernfield Timberwolves’ star player, Air ‘Buddy’…
April 5, 2021 Here Are All the Porns Coming To Pornhub This Weekend Here Are All the Porns Coming To Pornhub This Weekend Well, it looks like we’ll be jackin our knobs and flicking our vaginas once again this weekend! Here’s everything you need to know about what’s…
April 3, 2021 20 Things in WandaVision That Could’ve Been Mephisto 20 Things in WandaVision That Could’ve Been Mephisto One of the most popular theories about WandaVision was that it was all being controlled by Mephisto, an extra-dimensional being who basically serves as Marvel’s…
