April 17, 2020 Eccentric Zoo Owner Insists There’s Nothing Unethical About Owning Big the Cat Eccentric Zoo Owner Insists There’s Nothing Unethical About Owning Big the Cat WYNNEWOOD, Okla. — Local Big the Cat owner and G.W. Zoo founder, Joe Exotic, insists that there is absolutely nothing inhumane about keeping a large…
April 15, 2020 Huge Star Wars Fan Meets Mortal Enemy, Other Huge Star Wars Fan Huge Star Wars Fan Meets Mortal Enemy, Other Huge Star Wars Fan DECATUR, Ga. — Local Star Wars superfan John Aaronson, 38, recently encountered his arch nemesis: a fellow Star Wars superfan in the form of 35…
April 15, 2020 Dungeon Master Sets Up 8-Week Long Scenario for Single Pun Dungeon Master Sets Up 8-Week Long Scenario for Single Pun SEATTLE — A group of Dungeons and Dragons players were horrified to discover that the campaign they had been playing for the last two months…
April 14, 2020 Firefly Fan Also Canceled Firefly Fan Also Canceled DALLAS — Following rumors that one of Joss Whedon’s most beloved and unabashedly racist admirers would soon be scrapped from society, local sources officially confirmed…
April 11, 2020 Jim Carrey Seen Wearing Mask to Get Groceries Jim Carrey Seen Wearing Mask to Get Groceries LOS ANGELES — In an effort to prevent the spread of coronavirus to those in a local Trader Joe’s, actor and comedian Jim Carrey was…
April 7, 2020 Study Shows Average Anime High School Student Needs 9 Seasons to Graduate Study Shows Average Anime High School Student Needs 9 Seasons to Graduate KYOTO, Japan — A troubling new study from the University of Hidari Wakibara has found that it takes a typical anime student at least nine…
April 6, 2020 How to Tell If Your Children Are Watching Dubs Instead of Subs How to Tell If Your Children Are Watching Dubs Instead of Subs With thousands of kids stuck at home during the pandemic, many parents have discovered a disturbing trend in their children’s binge-watching habits. Many impressionable children…
April 5, 2020 Rich Man Has Idea for Documentary About Himself Rich Man Has Idea for Documentary About Himself LOS ANGELES — Tony Yucker, an entrepreneur, influencer, and heir to the massive Yucker fortune, has added filmmaking to his interests, with a new documentary…
April 5, 2020 Study Shows the Most Played Video Game of the Quarantine is ‘Try Not to Cum Challenge’ Study Shows the Most Played Video Game of the Quarantine is ‘Try Not to Cum Challenge’ NEW YORK — A new study by Columbia University has revealed that the most played video game of the COVID-19 pandemic is the pornographic ‘Try…
