October 10, 2020 Lost Red Bull Car Ends Up in Military Parade Lost Red Bull Car Ends Up in Military Parade PYONGYANG — Confusing intelligence officials who initially mistook it as some unusual model of short-barrel tank, a Red Bull branded SUV reportedly found itself lost…
October 9, 2020 Alt Right Group Accidentally Kidnaps Michigan J. Frog Alt Right Group Accidentally Kidnaps Michigan J. Frog LANSING, Mich. — In a comic, but ultimately tragic mishap, a local alt-right militia group attempting to kidnap Michigan governor Gretchen Whitmer has accidentally kidnapped…
October 8, 2020 Little Baby Boy Tom Holland Stars in Big Grown Up Movie With Adults Little Baby Boy Tom Holland Stars in Big Grown Up Movie With Adults LOS ANGELES — Young baby child and Spider-Man actor Tom Holland stars in the new film The Devil All the Time with all the big…
October 6, 2020 Local Wedding Linked to 3,500 Deaths Local Wedding Linked to 3,500 Deaths WESTEROS — Following an exhaustive contact tracing study, a recent Riverlands wedding has been linked to 3,500 deaths, sources report. “The band had just finished…
October 5, 2020 God Uses McRib to Create Female Companion for Ronald McDonald God Uses McRib to Create Female Companion for Ronald McDonald WALLA WALLA, Wash. — Patrons at a local McDonalds restaurant were caught off guard earlier this week as God, alleged creator of the Earth and…
September 27, 2020 Podcaster Undergoes Risky Surgery to be Able to Naturally Speak at 1.5x Speed Podcaster Undergoes Risky Surgery to be Able to Naturally Speak at 1.5x Speed SANDY, Utah — Local podcast host James Brandt recently underwent a risky surgery to speed up his voice to 1.5x its speed in an attempt…
September 17, 2020 Resident Evil Netflix Series Hires Terrible Camera Operators for Accuracy Resident Evil Netflix Series Hires Terrible Camera Operators for Accuracy LOS ANGELES — With Netflix recently greenlighting a series based on Capcom’s Resident Evil video games, the streaming platform assured fans they were working with…
September 17, 2020 Man Risks Life for Opportunity to Explain Tenet to Girlfriend Man Risks Life for Opportunity to Explain Tenet to Girlfriend CHICAGO — Cinephile Brad Reznik attended a showing of Tenet, despite dangers associated with the COVID-19 pandemic, for the opportunity to explain the high-concept sci-fi…
September 15, 2020 Vengeful God Moves On to Next Thing Tumblr Holds Dear Vengeful God Moves On to Next Thing Tumblr Holds Dear HIGHER REALM — Overcome with wrath and scorn, the ruler of the universe has reportedly taken the next step toward utterly destroying everything Tumblr loves.…
