Neil Floyd

Let’s Get This Over With: Yes, My Tailpipe Is My Asshole

Greetings, humans and other sentient creatures of Earth. It is I, Optimus Prime, leader of the heroic Autobots and sworn…

6 years ago

Christian Bale Gains 450,000 Pounds to Play Sandworm in ‘Dune’ Remake

TUNIS, Tunisia — Christian Bale, an actor known for dramatic transformations, has gained over 450,000 pounds to play a sandworm…

6 years ago

Game Heartbroken After Realizing You Were Only Playing Because of Free Trial Weekend

SIOUX FALLS — Indie battle royale Fear the Wolves was reportedly heartbroken after it realized you were only playing for…

6 years ago

Civilization VI Player Weighing Foreign Policy Decisions More Heavily Than Actual Leader of United States

PHILADELPHIA – Local gamer Jamie Stanfield was shocked when she realized 11 months into a marathon-speed playthrough of Civilization VI…

6 years ago

Trump Drops Surprise Announcement of New 325 Million-Player Battle Royale

WASHINGTON — President Trump shocked the nation today when he unveiled a new plan which pits 325 million Americans in…

6 years ago

Democrats in Disarray After President Trump Tweets That US Constitution Isn’t Canon

WASHINGTON — The newly-emboldened Democratic Party is in disarray today after President Trump announced on social media that the United…

6 years ago

Woman Disappointed Her Date Doesn’t Look Anything Like His Cutscenes

CHICAGO — Kate Patterson was reportedly disappointed Saturday when her date arrived two hours late and had the gall to…

6 years ago

Incredibly Lucky D&D Player Skyping In Has Rolled 7 Nat 20s in Row

LAKE GENEVA, Wisc. — The tenth session of a small Dungeons & Dragons game took a turn when Greg Atkinson,…

6 years ago

RANKED: The Top 1 Giant Space Worms in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

The Star Wars fandom is full of debates. Did Han or Greedo shoot first? Are Ewoks cute or annoying kid…

6 years ago