September 22, 2021 38-Year-Old Man Wishes There Weren’t So Many Damn Children at Disneyland 38-Year-Old Man Wishes There Weren’t So Many Damn Children at Disneyland ANAHEIM, Calif. — A man born in 1983 was reportedly overheard bemoaning the abundance of children in attendance during his recent trip to Disneyland. “What…
September 20, 2021 Gamer Empties 2 Liter of Mountain Dew Into Brita Filter Gamer Empties 2 Liter of Mountain Dew Into Brita Filter ROCKVILLE CENTRE, N.Y. — An increasingly health conscious gamer recently began taking a new precaution to ensure his soda would be free of lead, asbestos,…
September 18, 2021 Guy Spends First Day at Job Running Around Studying Boss’s Patterns Guy Spends First Day at Job Running Around Studying Boss’s Patterns CHICAGO — Local accountant Frank Tate’s first day at his new job was spent mostly running around the office and trying to figure out his…
September 17, 2021 Here’s Why Morpheus Isn’t in the New Jackass Movie Here’s Why Morpheus Isn’t in the New Jackass Movie As the fall movie season kicks off and trailers are watched and obsessed over, one big question keeps circulating: why isn’t Laurence Fishburne’s iconic Morpheus…
September 14, 2021 Racist Without PS5 Announces Boycott of ‘God of War: Ragnarok’ Racist Without PS5 Announces Boycott of ‘God of War: Ragnarok’ LOS ANGELES — A bigoted man who does not own a PlayStation 5 has announced there’s no way he’ll play the newest God of War…
September 11, 2021 Guy Performing Oil Change on Transformer Worried It’s Some Kind of Sex Thing Guy Performing Oil Change on Transformer Worried It’s Some Kind of Sex Thing DETROIT — An employee at a local Muffler Man performing what he initially assumed was routine maintenance on a Transformer is now worried the automaton…
September 10, 2021 Travis Barker Releases Video of Himself Absolutely Shredding DK Drums Travis Barker Releases Video of Himself Absolutely Shredding DK Drums LOS ANGELES — Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker has lit the video game world on fire by posting a video of him just absolutely fucking…
September 10, 2021 Red Dead Online Update Lets You Eat All the Horse Medicine You Want Red Dead Online Update Lets You Eat All the Horse Medicine You Want NEW YORK — A new update to Red Dead Online will reportedly let users ingest any food or medicinal items originally intended to be used…
September 7, 2021 J. Jonah Jameson Demands More Listicles of Spider-Man for Struggling Daily Bugle Website J. Jonah Jameson Demands More Listicles of Spider-Man for Struggling Daily Bugle Website NEW YORK — J. Jonah Jameson, the Editor-in-Chief of long running New York City newspaper The Daily Bugle has reportedly issued several demands for more…
