Mark Roebuck

Sorry Gamers, We Have Delayed Our Fall 2021 Preview Until Next Year

Hey gamers, I don’t wanna bullshit you here. Every single video game website, whether it’s a real one like IGN,…

3 years ago

NHL 22 Will Be First in Series to Actually Have Little Guys Skate Around in Your TV

REDWOOD CITY, Calif. — EA has confirmed rumors that have been circulating about this year’s installment of their annual NHL…

3 years ago

Luigi Decides He Doesn’t Want to Wear Matching Clothes With Mario Anymore

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Following 38 years of pretty much just aping whatever his older brother wears, famed video game sidekick…

3 years ago

‘Boogerman’ World Record Holder Prays Coworkers Don’t Discover His Crowning Achievement

DECATUR, Ga. — A recently hired copy editor has grown terrified that his new coworkers will discover that he’s the…

3 years ago

Spirit Halloween Managers Awake From Hibernation

BELLINGHAM, Wash. — Thousands of Spirit Halloween store managers have awakened from their annual 10-month slumber and have begun migrating…

3 years ago

Cop Offended by Punctual Portrayal in GTA Games

LOS ANGELES — Local police officer Connor Todd recently sampled the immensely popular Grand Theft Auto 5 and was very…

3 years ago

Expert Speedrunner Comes Out of Mario 64 Playthrough Little Bit Younger

CHICAGO — Simon Weaver, an expert in the enduringly popular Mario 64 speedrunning scene, has turned a corner that many…

3 years ago

Estate of MLK Says No Way He Would Floss Like That

NEW YORK — The surviving next of kin of civil rights advocate Martin Luther King, Jr. have complained about the…

3 years ago

Casual Game of ‘Clue’ Alerts Child to Amount of Murder Weapons in Home

CHESAPEAKE, Va. — Worried family members have confirmed that an ordinary round of the classic board game Clue alerted local…

3 years ago