Kevin Flynn

Doug Bowser Slowly Walks Off Camera to the Left During Nintendo Direct About Joy-Con Drift

REDMOND, Wash. — With his body gradually approaching the edge of the YouTube video’s border, Nintendo of America president Doug…

5 years ago

Gamer Emotionally Unprepared to Control Character After Harrowing Cutscene

EAST LANSING, Mich. — Feeling a sense of panic as the in-game camera gradually swiveled back around behind his character,…

5 years ago

D&D Party Member Rolls Perception Check to See If DM Knows What The Fuck He’s Doing

NEW YORK — On a hunch inspired by a very scatterbrained verbal description of the dungeon chamber the party had…

5 years ago

Paramount Announces Theatrical Re-Release of ‘Transformers: Dark of the Moon’ for as Long as It Takes to Claim Box Office Record from Avengers

LOS ANGELES — Teasing a brand new extended edition of the popular film with previously unreleased footage, Paramount Pictures announced…

5 years ago

Here are the Best Amazon Deals Now That Prime Day Has Ended and It’s Okay to Enable the Abuse of Warehouse Workers Again

Well, frugal gamers, Amazon Prime Day 2019 has ended. Millions of shoppers got some great deals, but millions more chose…

5 years ago

Nintendo Unveils Switch Heavy for Gamers Who ‘Don’t Care About Playing on the Go’

KYOTO — A Nintendo video presentation Tuesday morning unveiled the Nintendo Switch Heavy, a new model of the console specifically…

5 years ago

Zelda Dungeon Boss Can’t Believe He Accidentally Locked Himself Behind Giant Door

FIRE TEMPLE, Hyrule — Becoming flustered after quickly realizing his mistake, the subterranean lava dragon Volvagia was in total disbelief…

5 years ago

Newest ‘Game Grumps’ Episode Just 14 Minutes of Game’s Title Screen While Arin and Dan Discuss How Weird It Would Be If They Kissed

GLENDALE, Calif. — In a departure from their usual episode format, the newest upload to the popular YouTube channel Game…

5 years ago

Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders Practice Fusion Dance For Hours in Attempt to Merge Into Ideal Candidate

KAMI’S LOOKOUT — Sweating and breathing heavily from their strenuous efforts, sources confirmed Wednesday that Senator Elizabeth Warren and Senator…

5 years ago