August 20, 2020 Agent 47 Grateful All of Humanity Wears a 34” Inseam Agent 47 Grateful All of Humanity Wears a 34” Inseam ICA FACILITY (LOCATION UNKNOWN) — Agent 47, professional assassin, expressed great relief today at the cold hard fact that every man on earth shares the…
August 18, 2020 Democrats Plead President Trump to Use #Ad When Promoting Private Businesses Democrats Plead President Trump to Use #Ad When Promoting Private Businesses WASHINGTON — Democrats in Congress have urged the President Donald Trump to include the hashtag “#Ad” when promoting any private businesses following recent tweets by…
August 18, 2020 Fed Up Boyfriend Downloading Overcooked Knows Exactly What He’s Doing Fed Up Boyfriend Downloading Overcooked Knows Exactly What He’s Doing CHICAGO — 27-year-old Jimmy Pryor downloaded the popular party game Overcooked 2 onto his Nintendo Switch which he shares with his girlfriend, Natalie Paige, with…
August 5, 2020 D&D Party Prepares for Yet Another Battle With How Much Their DM Sucks D&D Party Prepares for Yet Another Battle With How Much Their DM Sucks BOULDER, Colo. — A group of friends playing Dungeons & Dragons faced yet another encounter with the most difficult recurring villain in their campaign —…
May 18, 2020 ‘Community’ Virtual Table Read Loses Most Cast Members Part Way Through ‘Community’ Virtual Table Read Loses Most Cast Members Part Way Through LOS ANGELES — The cast of the cult hit sitcom Community surprised fans this week with a reunion over Zoom, although most of the original…
April 20, 2020 ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’ Pros Demand Rock Nerfed ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’ Pros Demand Rock Nerfed MIAMI — Controversy has recently erupted in the Rock, Paper, Scissors pro circuit as a subset of players are now insisting on changes to the tournament…
April 17, 2020 Eccentric Zoo Owner Insists There’s Nothing Unethical About Owning Big the Cat Eccentric Zoo Owner Insists There’s Nothing Unethical About Owning Big the Cat WYNNEWOOD, Okla. — Local Big the Cat owner and G.W. Zoo founder, Joe Exotic, insists that there is absolutely nothing inhumane about keeping a large…
April 10, 2020 Final Fantasy VII Remake’s Easy Mode Is Way Too Easy and Its Hard Mode Is Way Too Hard Final Fantasy VII Remake’s Easy Mode Is Way Too Easy and Its Hard Mode Is Way Too Hard Once upon a time there was a game called Final Fantasy VII Remake. I booted up the game and saw on the start menu there…
April 2, 2020 Gamer Kicked Out of Louvre for Trying to Jump Into Mona Lisa World Gamer Kicked Out of Louvre for Trying to Jump Into Mona Lisa World PARIS — Panic broke out within the Louvre earlier this week when a tourist attempted to launch himself over the crowd and through Leonardo da…
