Jimmy Beliakoff

Report: Valve Employees Working Grueling 100-Hour Work Weeks On Nothing

BELLEVUE, Wash. — According to anonymous sources within the company, employees at Valve Software have been working grueling 100-hour work…

4 years ago

42-Year-Old Restaurant Manager Beginning to Realize This Is, In Fact, His Final Form

BREA, Calif. — After a tense standoff with some customers around closing time, it became clear to local Olive Garden…

4 years ago

Dungeon Master Increases Puzzle’s Difficulty by Describing It Shittily

SILVERTON, Ore. — In a groundbreaking move to combat his players’ adeptness at solving riddles and subverting challenges, local dungeon…

4 years ago

Game Critic Stands Perfectly Still to Avoid Naughty Dog PR Representative Attempting to Echolocate Them

NEW YORK — While on a trip to the grocery store to restock for quarantine, games journalist Benny Kleiner had…

4 years ago

Ash Ketchum’s Mom Doesn’t Have the Heart to Tell Him His Original Pikachu Died 6 Years Ago

KANTO — Local mother Delia Ketchum reportedly doesn’t have the heart to tell her son Ash that his beloved Pikachu…

4 years ago

Amidst Pandemic, Naughty Dog Allows Employees to Sleep at Home

SANTA MONICA, Calif. — With the continuing spread of the COVID-19 pandemic and nonessential businesses being asked to send workers…

5 years ago

Steam Friend You Don’t Remember Adding Is Playing Morrowind Again

SAN DIEGO — While waiting for members of his Monster Hunter group to gather up early yesterday evening, local gamer…

5 years ago

All Healing Items Spent During Boss Fight Player Is Required to Lose

LONDON — Police were called to the scene of a disturbance in the early hours of this morning, as Chris…

5 years ago

Novelty Zelda Wallet Only Holds Maximum of $99

NEW YORK — Upon returning from a shopping trip to the Rockefeller Center Nintendo shop, gaming enthusiast Amy Weiss was…

5 years ago