January 30, 2019 ZeRo Tells Fiancée He’d Rather Just Stream Their Wedding Than Attend ZeRo Tells Fiancée He’d Rather Just Stream Their Wedding Than Attend ORLANDO, Fla. — Professional Super Smash Bros. player Gonzalo “ZeRo” Barrios reportedly told his fiancée Vanessa late last night that he will not be attending…
January 23, 2019 Jason Schreier Working Grueling 20-Hour Days to Finish ‘Blood, Sweat, and Pixels 2’ Before Release Jason Schreier Working Grueling 20-Hour Days to Finish ‘Blood, Sweat, and Pixels 2’ Before Release NEW YORK — Author and Kotaku News Editor Jason Schreier is reportedly going through the period known as “crunch,” working grueling 20-hour days in order…
January 12, 2019 Middle School Bully Has No Idea He’s Creating Future Polygon Video Content Creator Middle School Bully Has No Idea He’s Creating Future Polygon Video Content Creator MILWAUKEE, Wisc. — Local bully Justin Marwall was reportedly unaware that the child he was picking on in his 8th grade math class, Kris Stevenson,…
January 8, 2019 New Adjustable Gaming Chair Lets Gamers Rise Up Without Having to Stand New Adjustable Gaming Chair Lets Gamers Rise Up Without Having to Stand SINGAPORE — Secretlab has announced a new line of gaming computer chairs with state-of-the-art adjustable height technology which allows gamers to “rise up” without having…
December 10, 2018 “Well I Stan Your Father,” Explains Mom After First Day of Twitter “Well I Stan Your Father,” Explains Mom After First Day of Twitter MILWAUKEE, Wisc. — Local mother and new addition to the Twitter community Eileen Sommer reportedly announced to her family today, “We stan a legend, your…
December 9, 2018 Opinion: You’re Gatekeeping Wrong Opinion: You’re Gatekeeping Wrong I am so goddamn sick of seeing fake gatekeepers on the internet telling people they aren’t real fans of something, because they are gatekeeping all…
December 7, 2018 Guy Who Doesn’t Have $60 Right Now Somehow Manages to Buy Switch, Smash Bros, Two Pro Controllers, and Ethernet Adapter Guy Who Doesn’t Have $60 Right Now Somehow Manages to Buy Switch, Smash Bros, Two Pro Controllers, and Ethernet Adapter TUCSON, Ariz. — Local gamer Pierce Roderick has reportedly gathered enough capital to purchase all of the necessary equipment for him to properly play the…
December 5, 2018 Super Smash Bros. Ultimate to Be Delayed One Month Due to George H.W. Bush Funeral Super Smash Bros. Ultimate to Be Delayed One Month Due to George H.W. Bush Funeral KYOTO, Japan — To honor the death of former U.S. President George H.W. Bush, Nintendo has announced that Super Smash Bros. Ultimate for the Switch,…
November 30, 2018 Red Dead Redemption 2 Gives Man New Appreciation for Clunky, Boring Parts of Real Life Red Dead Redemption 2 Gives Man New Appreciation for Clunky, Boring Parts of Real Life ITHACA, N.Y. — Local gamer Martin Phelps has reportedly found a new appreciation for the miserable and boring sections of his day-to-day life thanks to…
