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New Adjustable Gaming Chair Lets Gamers Rise Up Without Having to Stand


discrimination, gamers, gaming, oppression, rise up

SINGAPORE — Secretlab has announced a new line of gaming computer chairs with state-of-the-art adjustable height technology which allows gamers to “rise up” without having to actually stand up or get out of the chair.

Levit8 is set to release in Q3 2019 and features a remote control that makes the seat move upwards with the press of a button. The seat cannot be adjusted to go lower after this is done because, according to advertisements, “Once gamers rise up, they cannot fall down.”

“Here at Secretlab, we care about comfortability and ease of use. We know how important it is for gamers to be able to rise up against gamer-oppression while comfortably remaining seated in a high-quality computer chair,” explained Secretlab co-founder Ian Alexander Angat a recent expo. “We firmly believe that gamers are discriminated against and we want to give them their first privilege: the ability to rise up without being beaten down by their own two legs.”

Secretlab has already lined up a group of popular Twitch streamers to promote the new chair on their channels.

“The Levit8 is the only chair I use when I crush losers in Black Ops 4,” Dr. Disrespect said in a recent stream, craning his neck down to fit into view of his webcam after permanently raising his chair five feet above the ground. “As a gamer, it’s important to me to able to rise up while I snipe little baby noobs in Fortnite. You fuckin’ bet I rerouted the ‘rise’ button to one of the buttons on my mouse.”

At press time, Secretlab announced they will sell a companion helmet for gamers who “rise up so hard against gamer discrimination” that they hit their heads on their ceiling, “another form of oppression [they] face as a community.”