May 19, 2019 ‘Game of Thrones’ Prepares for Final Climactic Clash Between Those Who Think It’s Still Good and Those Who Think It Sucks Dick Now ‘Game of Thrones’ Prepares for Final Climactic Clash Between Those Who Think It’s Still Good and Those Who Think It Sucks Dick Now NEW YORK — As HBO’s hit show Game of Thrones comes to a conclusion, fans are preparing for the grand finale, featuring one last all-out…
May 17, 2019 Adult Man Still Furious About Decade-Old Movie For Teen Girls Adult Man Still Furious About Decade-Old Movie For Teen Girls TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — 37-year-old man Kris Lusk is still angry about the Twilight series of films, which ended seven years ago and was intended to…
May 17, 2019 Inept Hacker Leaks Game of Thrones Season 3 Episode 4 Inept Hacker Leaks Game of Thrones Season 3 Episode 4 GHENT, Belgium — Notably awful hacker Nicolas Peeters successfully leaked an episode of the hit HBO show Game of Thrones today, but was only able…
May 10, 2019 Pornhub Introduces Light Mode for Daytime Browsing Pornhub Introduces Light Mode for Daytime Browsing MONTREAL — Popular pornagraphic video sharing website Pornhub announced today the release of a new “Light Mode” which would feature a white-themed user interface for…
May 7, 2019 This Is the Only Way I Know How to Tell My Children So That They Will Understand This Is the Only Way I Know How to Tell My Children So That They Will Understand Written by Jeremy Kaplowitz. Edited by Giovanni Colantonio.
April 25, 2019 AMC Hikes Price of ‘Avengers: Endgame’ Piss Buckets to $30 AMC Hikes Price of ‘Avengers: Endgame’ Piss Buckets to $30 KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Marvel fans are outraged after AMC raised the price of their limited edition Avengers: Endgame Piss Buckets from $20 to $30…
April 10, 2019 Local Hole Fan Doesn’t Mind That It’s Black But Doesn’t Get Why They Have to Force Diversity On Us Local Hole Fan Doesn’t Mind That It’s Black But Doesn’t Get Why They Have to Force Diversity On Us ORLANDO, Fla. — Self-described “hole fan” Chris Richardson is reportedly dismayed that the newly discovered “large space hole” by scientists had to be black. “Listen,…
April 2, 2019 Power Surges Through Reddit Moderator’s Body as He Bans User During Social Studies Power Surges Through Reddit Moderator’s Body as He Bans User During Social Studies KANSAS, Okla. — Local eighth grader and moderator for subreddit r/gaming Kris Stevens reportedly felt power coursing through his veins as he banned a user…
March 31, 2019 Guy Who Hasn’t Played RPG in a Week Might as Well Just Start Over Guy Who Hasn’t Played RPG in a Week Might as Well Just Start Over SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local gamer Martin Avery has not played Kingdom Hearts 3 for an entire week, effectively rendering all of his progress moot due…
