October 26, 2020 Democrats Introduce Bill to Condemn Coronavirus Democrats Introduce Bill to Condemn Coronavirus WASHINGTON — Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Senator Chuck Schumer have introduced a bill that, if passed, would condemn COVID-19 as a “very…
October 22, 2020 We’re Done With Waluigi. From Now On, We’re All In on Dry Bones We’re Done With Waluigi. From Now On, We’re All In on Dry Bones We here at Hard Drive, but also we as a culture, have spent a lot of time focusing on Nintendo’s scraggly purple stick man, Waluigi.…
October 20, 2020 Writer Struck With Inspiration Furiously Writes Down ‘Superman But Evil’ Writer Struck With Inspiration Furiously Writes Down ‘Superman But Evil’ ATLANTA — Writer James Mann was reportedly scribbling down ideas in a moleskine notebook after being suddenly struck with the idea of “Superman if he…
October 19, 2020 Roommate Ejected From Apartment After Lying About Finishing ‘Dishes’ Task Roommate Ejected From Apartment After Lying About Finishing ‘Dishes’ Task NEW YORK — Local roommate Phil Darrow was ejected from his apartment after his friends discovered that he had lied about completing his dishes task.…
October 16, 2020 ‘Spider-Man’ Will Feature Complex Cat Companion System That Ranges From ‘Enemies’ to ‘Doesn’t Hate You’ ‘Spider-Man’ Will Feature Complex Cat Companion System That Ranges From ‘Enemies’ to ‘Doesn’t Hate You’ BURBANK, Calif. — Insomniac has announced that the Miles Morales Spider-Man game for the PlayStation 5 will feature an intricate companion system which lets players…
October 11, 2020 Origin of Fake News Traced Back to Friend Saying He Played ‘Pokemon Purple’ in 2002 Origin of Fake News Traced Back to Friend Saying He Played ‘Pokemon Purple’ in 2002 WASHINGTON — Researchers have discovered that the origin of the “fake news” phenomenon stretches all the way back to 2002, when your friend Dennis McNulty…
October 8, 2020 Little Baby Boy Tom Holland Stars in Big Grown Up Movie With Adults Little Baby Boy Tom Holland Stars in Big Grown Up Movie With Adults LOS ANGELES — Young baby child and Spider-Man actor Tom Holland stars in the new film The Devil All the Time with all the big…
October 1, 2020 Charles Martinet Steps Down as Voice of Mario After Being Unable to Finish Eating Gigantic Bowl of Spaghetti Charles Martinet Steps Down as Voice of Mario After Being Unable to Finish Eating Gigantic Bowl of Spaghetti SAN JOSE, Calif. — Famous Nintendo voice actor Charles Martinet has stepped down as the voice of Mario after failing to complete a big bowl…
September 29, 2020 Historically Shit-Sucking Gamer Thinks He’s Battle Royale God After Unknowingly Beating First Round of Bots Historically Shit-Sucking Gamer Thinks He’s Battle Royale God After Unknowingly Beating First Round of Bots GREENSBORO, N.C. — Local gamer Harry Olsen, who has sucked shit at every single video game he has ever played, is convinced that he is…
