Jeremy Kaplowitz

It’s Time to Face the Facts: Pinky and the Brain Are Never Going to Take Over the World

As America ages not-so-gracefully into its 240s, with climate change knocking on our doors and tribalism facing all-time highs, it’s…

5 years ago

Resurrected TV Show Comes Back Changed, Comes Back Wrong

LOS ANGELES — Fans of a popular television show were reportedly horrified to discover the altered state in which it…

5 years ago

Opinion: Who the Hell Would Want to Watch Someone Else Play Sport?

I’m just hearing about this and I’m totally confused — people apparently watch other people play sports on live streams…

5 years ago

Neil deGrasse Tyson Informs Captive Locked in His Basement That Fear is Illogical

NEW YORK — Famed scientist Neil deGrasse Tyson told a captive locked up in his basement this evening that his…

5 years ago

Pawn Gets Critical Hit in Chess Match

NEW YORK — A friendly chess match ended spectacularly when a white pawn got a critical hit on the black…

5 years ago

Finally: Nintendo Is Going Door to Door to Patch Wavedashing Out of Melee

Super Smash Bros. creator Masahiro Sakurai announced today that Nintendo was finally going to send representatives around the world to…

5 years ago

Kamala Harris Announces Debt-Forgiveness Program for Gamers Who Finish Mother 4

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Senator Kamala Harris announced a new policy plan that erases all student debt for gamers who are…

5 years ago

Kevin Feige Announces First Marvel “What If…?” Story Will Explore What If Captain America Was Straight

LOS ANGELES — President of Marvel Studios Kevin Feige revealed today that the first episode of the upcoming Disney+ show…

5 years ago