Jeremy Kaplowitz

Christopher Walken Swears His Fever Is Just for More Cowbell

LOS ANGELES — Actor Christopher Walken announced today that his 102 degree fever was simply for more cowbell and had…

5 years ago

God Admits It’s Kinda Gay to Create Dudes

HEAVEN — The almighty being who created the heavens and earth, God, admitted today that it’s actually kinda gay to…

5 years ago

Gamer Sets Clock Ahead 3 Months to Skip Past Pandemic

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. —  Local gamer Freddy Strickland has changed all the clocks in his apartment to early July in order…

5 years ago

Boyfriend Can’t Find the Crit

BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Local woman Anita Harrison expressed disappointment during a game of Dungeons and Dragons when her boyfriend Steven…

5 years ago

DNC Escort Mission Incredibly Frustrating

WASHINGTON — Members of the Democratic National Committee expressed frustration about the annoying escort mission to get former vice president…

5 years ago

Donald Trump Unleashes Giant Squids on Major U.S. Cities to Unite Americans Against Coronavirus

WASHINGTON — President Trump has announced plans to unleash a giant squid on each of the major cities in the…

5 years ago

Terrified ‘Hearthstone’ Escapee Not Convinced ‘Slay the Spire’ Won’t Eventually Charge Him $40 for New Cards

ARLINGTON, Texas — Local Hearthstone refugee and Slay the Spire player Jon Burke reportedly can’t shake the feeling that the…

5 years ago

Strategy Guide: Press the ‘Start’ Button to Start the Game

Gatekeeping in the world of video games is an epidemic. It is our duty as those who are “in the…

5 years ago

Something Fishy About Private ‘Animal Crossing’ Island That Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, and Prince Andrew Keep Visiting

NEW HORIZONS — Those playing the newly released Animal Crossing: New Horizons for the Nintendo Switch noted that there was…

5 years ago