Jeremy Kaplowitz

Andrew Yang Proposes to Sell New York City as NFT to Raise Money for Police Department

NEW YORK — New York City mayoral candidate Andrew Yang announced today that, if elected, he will list the city…

4 years ago

Report: Guy You’ve Never Heard of Is Creep

NEW YORK — Following accusations from several women, some supposedly famous guy you’re just learning about for the first time…

4 years ago

Elon Musk Admits He Wants to Travel to Mars Because No One Hates Him There Yet

AUSTIN, Texas — Wiping tears from his eyes at a recent press conference, SpaceX CEO Elon Musk revealed that the…

4 years ago

Man’s Cell Phone Disagrees That Alexa Is Listening to Him

VALLEY STREAM, N.Y. — A local man’s iPhone disagrees with its owner that his Amazon Alexa is listening to him…

4 years ago

Even Conspiracy Theorist Kinda Surprised How Right He’s Been Lately

LAS VEGAS — Conspiracy theorist Andrew Hawkins has recently been taken aback by how much he has gotten right in…

4 years ago

Gamer Looking to Save the World Regrettably Recruited by United States Military

MODESTO, Calif. — Local gamer Martin Long, 22, has reportedly joined the United States military after being inspired to save…

4 years ago

Former Cards Against Humanity Writer Keeps Pitching ‘Cum Goblin’ to Wizards of the Coast

RENTON, Wash. — Former Cards Against Humanity writer Marc Weaver has reportedly frustrated his new coworkers at Magic: the Gathering…

4 years ago

NASA Sends Probe to Jupiter to Get More Stupider

WASHINGTON — Following the successful landing of the rover Perseverance onto the surface of Mars, NASA has launched a probe…

4 years ago

Fast & Furious Franchise Announces Partnership With Olive Garden

LOS ANGELES — Restaurant chain Olive Garden has teamed up with the Fast & Furious franchise to promote the importance…

4 years ago