Jay Miller

AOC Grafts Gun Onto Arm, Demands You Hear the Planet’s Cries of Pain

NEW YORK, N.Y. — Gesturing wildly with the large machine gun that had been recently surgically grafted onto her right…

5 years ago

Animal Crossing: New Horizons is So Beautiful You Can Almost Forget It’s Rehab Facility

Written by Jay Miller Narrated by Mark Roebuck Edited by Peter Kemme

5 years ago

Bartender Must Cleave Through Groot to Verify His Age

KNOWHERE, T.R. — A bartender at Starlin’s Bar was forced to cut a section of Groot, a beloved Guardian of…

5 years ago

Therapist and Patient Spend Their First Few Sessions Making Character Sheets

SAN FRANCISCO — Local tabletop gamer and new therapy patient Elliot Booker spent his first three sessions with Dr. Elijah…

5 years ago

Level 16 Warlock Still Can’t Identify d8

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. —  Local gamer Steven Chen reportedly held up a d10 when asked to roll 8d8 necrotic damage, despite…

5 years ago

New Pokémon Champion Still Receiving Hundreds of 1099 Forms From Defeated Opponents

WYNDON, Galar — Newly appointed Pokémon Champion and Galar native Alex Khalil has become overwhelmed with a flood of 1099-MISC…

5 years ago

Dungeon Master Finally Writes Perfect Campaign, Distributes Scripts to Players

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — Dungeon Master Daniel Hyde recently finished writing his ideal D&D campaign and released the final draft…

5 years ago

Host Offers Choice Between This Really Dope Board Game That Sounds Awesome and Two Others

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local game night host Paul Cumiskey has been subjected to heavy criticism following guests’ accusations of bias…

5 years ago

Grim Reaper Not Sure Who to Take After Thousands Proclaim ‘I Am Kirk Douglas’

LOS ANGELES — The immortal god of death, the Grim Reaper, is reportedly frustrated with Kirk Douglas fans claiming to…

5 years ago