Jay Miller

Jay Miller

AOC Grafts Gun Onto Arm, Demands You Hear the Planet’s Cries of PainAOC Grafts Gun Onto Arm, Demands You Hear the Planet’s Cries of Pain

AOC Grafts Gun Onto Arm, Demands You Hear the Planet’s Cries of Pain

NEW YORK, N.Y. — Gesturing wildly with the large machine gun that had been recently surgically grafted onto her right…

5 years ago
Animal Crossing: New Horizons is So Beautiful You Can Almost Forget It’s a Rehab FacilityAnimal Crossing: New Horizons is So Beautiful You Can Almost Forget It’s a Rehab Facility

Animal Crossing: New Horizons is So Beautiful You Can Almost Forget It’s Rehab Facility

Written by Jay Miller Narrated by Mark Roebuck Edited by Peter Kemme

5 years ago
Bartender Must Cleave Through Groot to Verify His AgeBartender Must Cleave Through Groot to Verify His Age

Bartender Must Cleave Through Groot to Verify His Age

KNOWHERE, T.R. — A bartender at Starlin’s Bar was forced to cut a section of Groot, a beloved Guardian of…

5 years ago
Therapist and Patient Spend Their First Few Sessions Making Character SheetsTherapist and Patient Spend Their First Few Sessions Making Character Sheets

Therapist and Patient Spend Their First Few Sessions Making Character Sheets

SAN FRANCISCO — Local tabletop gamer and new therapy patient Elliot Booker spent his first three sessions with Dr. Elijah…

5 years ago
Level 16 Warlock Still Can’t Identify a d8Level 16 Warlock Still Can’t Identify a d8

Level 16 Warlock Still Can’t Identify d8

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. —  Local gamer Steven Chen reportedly held up a d10 when asked to roll 8d8 necrotic damage, despite…

5 years ago
New Pokémon Champion Still Receiving Hundreds of 1099 Forms From Defeated OpponentsNew Pokémon Champion Still Receiving Hundreds of 1099 Forms From Defeated Opponents

New Pokémon Champion Still Receiving Hundreds of 1099 Forms From Defeated Opponents

WYNDON, Galar — Newly appointed Pokémon Champion and Galar native Alex Khalil has become overwhelmed with a flood of 1099-MISC…

5 years ago
Dungeon Master Finally Writes Perfect Campaign, Distributes Scripts to PlayersDungeon Master Finally Writes Perfect Campaign, Distributes Scripts to Players

Dungeon Master Finally Writes Perfect Campaign, Distributes Scripts to Players

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — Dungeon Master Daniel Hyde recently finished writing his ideal D&D campaign and released the final draft…

5 years ago
Host Offers Choice Between This Really Dope Board Game That Sounds Awesome and Two OthersHost Offers Choice Between This Really Dope Board Game That Sounds Awesome and Two Others

Host Offers Choice Between This Really Dope Board Game That Sounds Awesome and Two Others

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local game night host Paul Cumiskey has been subjected to heavy criticism following guests’ accusations of bias…

5 years ago
Grim Reaper Not Sure Who to Take After Thousands Proclaim ‘I Am Kirk Douglas’Grim Reaper Not Sure Who to Take After Thousands Proclaim ‘I Am Kirk Douglas’

Grim Reaper Not Sure Who to Take After Thousands Proclaim ‘I Am Kirk Douglas’

LOS ANGELES — The immortal god of death, the Grim Reaper, is reportedly frustrated with Kirk Douglas fans claiming to…

5 years ago