January 14, 2021 Trail of Diet Cokes Set Up to Ensure Smooth Transition of Power Trail of Diet Cokes Set Up to Ensure Smooth Transition of Power WASHINGTON — President Donald J. Trump has peacefully vacated the White House after following a trail of Diet Coke bottles that appeared overnight, multiple anonymous…
November 1, 2020 Group of Lifelong Friends Ruins Franchise by Adding Child Character Group of Lifelong Friends Ruins Franchise by Adding Child Character NEW YORK — A group of lifelong friends prepared to have their dynamic changed this week as the announcement was made that a baby would…
October 30, 2020 U.S. Announces Plan to Withdraw All Troops from Donkey Kong Country by Christmas U.S. Announces Plan to Withdraw All Troops from Donkey Kong Country by Christmas WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump took to Twitter last night to announce that all American forces currently serving overseas in Donkey Kong Country are expected…
October 25, 2020 Twitch Streamer Rigged to Explode If Game Drops Below 30 FPS Twitch Streamer Rigged to Explode If Game Drops Below 30 FPS LOS ANGELES — Professional streamer Sandra Cruz — known online as CruzControl2 — strapped a series of bombs to her livestream this of The Legend…
October 5, 2020 God Uses McRib to Create Female Companion for Ronald McDonald God Uses McRib to Create Female Companion for Ronald McDonald WALLA WALLA, Wash. — Patrons at a local McDonalds restaurant were caught off guard earlier this week as God, alleged creator of the Earth and…
September 13, 2020 Isle Delfino Residents Guessing at Political Message Behind New Banksy Piece Isle Delfino Residents Guessing at Political Message Behind New Banksy Piece ISLE DELFINO — Residents of Isle Delfino were left shocked and amazed this week as a mysterious public art installation that appeared overnight was believed…
August 29, 2020 Massive Data Breach Reveals Unused Character Model for Niles Crane in ‘Cheers’ Source Code Massive Data Breach Reveals Unused Character Model for Niles Crane in ‘Cheers’ Source Code BRUNSWICK, N.J. — Fans of the classic NBC sitcom Cheers rejoiced today as a massive data breach revealed that long-gestating rumors regarding a secret character hidden within…
