March 25, 2020 Coup Player Clearly Lying About Being Your Friend Coup Player Clearly Lying About Being Your Friend BOSTON — Suspecting that one of your card-playing guests obviously cannot be an Ambassador or the Contessa, game night sources report one of these Coup…
March 24, 2020 Museum of Natural History Acquires 4-Million Year Old Dry Bones Museum of Natural History Acquires 4-Million Year Old Dry Bones NEW YORK — Touting the new exhibit as a magnificent specimen of Koopa Troopa ancestry, the American Museum of Natural History unveiled a prehistoric Dry…
March 11, 2020 Gamer’s Health Care Plan Mainly Jumping Head First Into Red Heart Logo Outside CVS Gamer’s Health Care Plan Mainly Jumping Head First Into Red Heart Logo Outside CVS DULUTH, Minn. — Claiming it’s been the cheapest and most accessible health power-up since getting kicked off of his parents’ insurance, recently concussed gamer Amrit…
February 28, 2020 Study: 85% of Christians Still Do Not Believe Humans Evolved From Donkey Kong Study: 85% of Christians Still Do Not Believe Humans Evolved From Donkey Kong WASHINGTON — According to a nationwide survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, an overwhelming 85% of Christians do not accept the scientific truth that…
February 26, 2020 Cool Black Car With Neon Green Accents Must Be Owner’s Gaming Car Cool Black Car With Neon Green Accents Must Be Owner’s Gaming Car NEW YORK — Using words like “pro,” “premium,” and “racing-style,” sources have confirmed that the black 2015 Chevy Camaro with cool neon green accents parked…
February 11, 2020 Disney Breeds Dozens of New Frog Species to Expand National Geographic Streaming Content Disney Breeds Dozens of New Frog Species to Expand National Geographic Streaming Content BURBANK, Calif. — Stating their intent to dramatically increase the wildlife channel’s Disney+ presence, the Walt Disney Company announced today they would begin breeding and…
February 5, 2020 35 Year-Old Man Still Sees Pediatrician With N64 in Waiting Room 35 Year-Old Man Still Sees Pediatrician With N64 in Waiting Room KANSAS CITY — 35-year-old Peter Brydon has been seeing family pediatrician Dr. Richard Cohen, who has had a Nintendo 64 in his office waiting room,…
January 28, 2020 Review: This Super Mario Plush Toy Could Never Beat Having a Real Plumber Live In Your House Review: This Super Mario Plush Toy Could Never Beat Having a Real Plumber Live In Your House The other day while walking through the toy section at Target, I saw a little plush toy of the iconic Super Mario. I love Mario,…
January 20, 2020 Pikachu Overcome by Own Mortality Realizing He Will One Day Die and Become Duskull Pikachu Overcome by Own Mortality Realizing He Will One Day Die and Become Duskull JOHTO — Contemplating its afterlife for the first time in his life following a fierce battle, a local Pikachu fell silent with the thought that…
