May 5, 2021 Villager Warns Children About Spooky House No One Has Left in 11 Months Villager Warns Children About Spooky House No One Has Left in 11 Months DESERTED ISLAND — Shaking as he described the terrors that might lie inside, local island resident Lobo warned a group of children that no one…
December 16, 2020 Development Hell: 12 Years After Trailer, Still No Word When IGN’s ‘Legend of Zelda’ Live Action Movie Will Release Development Hell: 12 Years After Trailer, Still No Word When IGN’s ‘Legend of Zelda’ Live Action Movie Will Release SAN FRANCISCO — After years of mis-management and a revolving door of directors and producers, IGN’s much-anticipated live-action film adaptation of The Legend of Zelda…
July 8, 2020 Sleep Study Finds 40% Of People Produce Giant Inflating Snot Bubble During REM Cycle Sleep Study Finds 40% Of People Produce Giant Inflating Snot Bubble During REM Cycle SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — Noting a breakthrough in our understanding of human sleep behaviors, researchers at U.C. Santa Cruz have found about 40% of people…
June 19, 2020 Every Star Wars Easter Egg You Missed in My Apartment Every Star Wars Easter Egg You Missed in My Apartment Filled with action, drama and just the right peppering of comedy, last night’s party at my place was by far one of the most exciting…
May 7, 2020 Parents Blame Poorly-Made Video Games For Son’s Annoying, Glitchy Outbursts Parents Blame Poorly-Made Video Games For Son’s Annoying, Glitchy Outbursts TRENTON, N.J. — Claiming their child hasn’t been the same since he started gaming, concerned parents Mark and Liza Kristensen are blaming poorly-made, badly-reviewed video…
April 14, 2020 Firefly Fan Also Canceled Firefly Fan Also Canceled DALLAS — Following rumors that one of Joss Whedon’s most beloved and unabashedly racist admirers would soon be scrapped from society, local sources officially confirmed…
April 10, 2020 Proto Man Reveals That, While Arm Cannon Nice, He Would Give Anything to Have Left Hand Back Proto Man Reveals That, While Arm Cannon Nice, He Would Give Anything to Have Left Hand Back DR. LIGHT’S LAB — Saying he feels blessed at the technology yet wistful for his bygone appendage, local robot hero Proto Man revealed today that,…
April 9, 2020 The 5 Best Gaming Headsets For Just Listening to a Nice Audiobook Once In a While The 5 Best Gaming Headsets For Just Listening to a Nice Audiobook Once In a While Whether you’re a Twitch star or a casual solo player, an absolute essential for any gamer is a reliable pair of high-quality gaming headphones. While…
April 4, 2020 Psychic Beats Shit Out of Man Counting Tarot Cards Psychic Beats Shit Out of Man Counting Tarot Cards MIAMI — Claiming her client was clearly cheating the fates, local psychic Madame LeMystique beat the shit out of her client, Darrel Hudson, for counting…
