September 16, 2021 Feminist Hero Actually Prefers Velma Feminist Hero Actually Prefers Velma BRAINERD, Minn. — Brave local man Joseph Brita has confirmed his preference for Velma over the more conventionally attractive Daphne when it comes to Scooby…
September 15, 2021 ‘Mario Party Superstars’ Adds Lifelike AI That Takes Fucking Forever With Their Turn ‘Mario Party Superstars’ Adds Lifelike AI That Takes Fucking Forever With Their Turn KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo confirmed today that Mario Party Superstars will feature computer players with advanced AI that allows them to recreate the experience of…
August 23, 2021 Lonely Gamer Sits on Hands So It Feels Like Someone Else Is Playing Lonely Gamer Sits on Hands So It Feels Like Someone Else Is Playing FAYETTEVILLE Ark. — Isolated gamer Greg Biscuit has resorted to numbing his hands and then playing video games to alleviate the crushing despair of his…
August 21, 2021 Total Bummer: Mysterious VHS Tape Found In Forest Just Porn Total Bummer: Mysterious VHS Tape Found In Forest Just Porn RICHMOND, Va. — Local paranormal enthusiast Walker Burroughs’ latest trip through the woods reportedly ended with disappointment after he realized that the unmarked tape he…
August 11, 2021 Indie Director’s Career Tragically Cut Short by Marvel Ten Year Contract Indie Director’s Career Tragically Cut Short by Marvel Ten Year Contract LOS ANGELES — Sources have sadly confirmed that indie director Yohanna Hultz’s promising career has tragically been cut short as a result of a ten-year…
July 24, 2021 Ranking the Final Fantasy Games Just to Piss You Off Ranking the Final Fantasy Games Just to Piss You Off Square Enix’s iconic RPG series Final Fantasy has enthralled gamers for over three decades. With such a broad and devoted fanbase, ranking these beloved titles…
July 23, 2021 Man’s Friends Realize All His Jokes Just Quotes From ‘The Simpsons’ Man’s Friends Realize All His Jokes Just Quotes From ‘The Simpsons’ LOS ANGELES — Local man Herman Gunther reportedly realized that his supposedly funny friend Matt has been stealing all of his funny quotes from the…
July 17, 2021 Konami Confirms Next Silent Hill Will Be Exclusive to Your Imagination Konami Confirms Next Silent Hill Will Be Exclusive to Your Imagination TOKYO — Konami has confirmed they are partnering with Bloober Team to create a new installment in the long-dormant Silent Hill series, which will be…
July 10, 2021 Gamer Trying to Name Child After Video Game Character Without Spouse Figuring It Out Gamer Trying to Name Child After Video Game Character Without Spouse Figuring It Out CINCINNATI, Ohio — Local gamer Alan Roberts has been trying to covertly name his upcoming child after any video game character. “Video games are one…
