Naomi Krause

Team Rocket Mortified as Teleporter Pad Fuses Child With Butterfree

SAFFRON CITY, Kanto — Members of notorious crime syndicate Team Rocket were horrified to discover that a small child who…

3 years ago

Opinion: Their Life Points are Low, There’s No Way They’re Coming Back!

Ha-ha! Tremble in fear at my formidable Duel Monsters skills, onlookers! It is I, Literally Any Fucking ‘Yu-Gi-Oh!’ Rival Character…

3 years ago

Gotham Opera Singer Glad Dicks Who Walked Out Got What Was Coming

GOTHAM CITY — The lead singer of Wayne Opera House’s production of Mefistofele has gone on record saying the assholes…

3 years ago

Trans CSI Character Breaks Barriers by Being Both Serial Killer and a Dead Sex Worker

LAS VEGAS — In a groundbreaking achievement for social progress, the transgender character on an upcoming episode of CSI: Vegas…

3 years ago

Nintendo Confirms Link’s Last Name Is Also Mario

REDMOND, Wash. — Nintendo announced today that the iconic character Link, star of The Legend of Zelda, has the last…

3 years ago

Pokémon Isn’t Shiny, Just Really Inbred

NEW BARK TOWN, Johto — A novice trainer mistook a horrifyingly deformed Pokémon for a rare, naturally occurring Shiny variant,…

3 years ago

Every SNES Game You Don’t Own Now Worth Over $100

PEORIA, Ill. — Game industry analysts tracking the resale price of classic video games have noticed the remarkable coincidence that…

3 years ago

Report: Local Wizard About to Do Some Major Orb Shit

MADISON, Wis. — Notorious local spellcaster Angwyn Abernant has been spotted fondling his crystal ball for five hours straight, with…

3 years ago

Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’

MIDDLETON, Wis. — Local dipshit and occasional tabletop gamer Christian Taylor has cancelled on his supposedly regular Dungeons and Dragons…

3 years ago