Dave Cross

Residents Shocked to Discover 97% of Liberty City Cops Live Outside the Map

LIBERTY CITY — Liberty City citizens were shocked and dismayed to learn that over 39,000 officers of the 40,000-strong LCPD…

3 years ago

100-Year-Old Gamer Heartbroken He’s Not Allowed to Play Any Board Games

BOISE, Idaho — A recent milestone birthday celebration came with it a grim realization for a local man now that…

3 years ago

Speedrunner Doesn’t Believe Girlfriend’s Tool-Assisted Orgasm Valid

SACRAMENTO — Video game speedrunner Ashton Clemens insisted that a significant portion of his girlfriend’s orgasms were completed incorrectly, arguing…

4 years ago

Christian Speedrunning Community Argues Any% Begins at the Loading Screen

BOSTON — Christian speedrunning group ReveRuns posted a declaration today, titled “Life Begins at Loading,” which makes an impassioned plea…

5 years ago

Spy Can’t Stop Playing With Cyanide Pill Tooth

MOSCOW —  A secret agent embedded deep within the Russian military reportedly can’t stop monkeying around with the cyanide pill…

5 years ago

Desperate History Teacher Starts Calling Everything ‘Lore’

MIDVALE, Utah — In an attempt to invigorate his students with a passion for learning, AP U.S. History teacher Frederick…

5 years ago

Time Traveler From 1994 Unimpressed by Today’s Indie Games

SEATTLE —  A time traveler from 1994 has awoken to a world altered by 24 years of technological, social, and…

6 years ago

Counter-Strike K/D Ratio Listed on Skills and Experience Section of Resume

LAKEVILLE, Minn. — Easton Clemens, 17, added his considerable video gaming expertise to his resume in hopes of gaining an…

7 years ago