February 12, 2022 Vengeance-Stricken Charles Martinet Lands Lead Role in Chris Pratt Biopic Vengeance-Stricken Charles Martinet Lands Lead Role in Chris Pratt Biopic LOS ANGELES — Video game icon and the voice behind Mario, as well as several other Nintendo characters, Charles Martinet announced today that he will…
February 9, 2022 Kid at Disneyland Regrets Asking Sora Actor What His Character’s Deal Is Kid at Disneyland Regrets Asking Sora Actor What His Character’s Deal Is ANAHEIM, Calif. — Nine-year-old Disneyland visitor Kevin Stevens was unsatisfied in his long-anticipated trip to the happiest place on Earth after getting caught up in…
February 4, 2022 Hayao Miyazaki Avoids Attending Son’s Movie By Magically Transforming Into River Hayao Miyazaki Avoids Attending Son’s Movie By Magically Transforming Into River TOKYO — Legendary Japanese filmmaker Hayao Miyazaki has reportedly magically transformed into a river in order to avoid having to watch the premiere of his…
January 17, 2022 “Our New Cheeseburger Highkey Slaps. Poggers!” Tweets One of America’s Most Powerful Corporations “Our New Cheeseburger Highkey Slaps. Poggers!” Tweets One of America’s Most Powerful Corporations CHICAGO — Fast food restaurant and megacorporation McDonald’s made a tweet Tuesday claiming their new bacon quarter pounder ‘highkey slaps’ in order to appeal to…
January 15, 2022 New Franchise Reboot Struggling to Decide Which Character Has a Podcast Now New Franchise Reboot Struggling to Decide Which Character Has a Podcast Now NEW YORK — NBC announced a delay of its latest franchise reboot coming in 2022, citing development issues after nobody could agree which character should…
January 8, 2022 Study Shows Adjusting Medicine Cabinet Mirror Still Best Way to Reveal Killer Is Behind You Study Shows Adjusting Medicine Cabinet Mirror Still Best Way to Reveal Killer Is Behind You WINNIPEG, Minn. — In an effort to spread awareness about self-defense against serial killers, chainsaw wielders and other assorted miscellaneous demons and monsters, experts confirmed…
January 7, 2022 Hypocrite Crying Bad Game Design Also Dies in One Hit From Knife Hypocrite Crying Bad Game Design Also Dies in One Hit From Knife ORLANDO, Fla. — Local gamer Drake O’Connor reportedly keeps complaining about a mechanic in the first person shooter game Warfare Unleashed 3 in which characters…
January 3, 2022 Sega Announces They Will Be Using Fan-Game Creators to Develop New Sonic Lawsuit Sega Announces They Will Be Using Fan-Game Creators to Develop New Sonic Lawsuit SAN FRANCISCO — Sega announced today that, after a down-period of creativity in its staple Sonic franchise, the company will be reaching out to fan…
December 27, 2021 Body Cam Footage Has Post-Credits Scene Where the Cop Gets Away With It Body Cam Footage Has Post-Credits Scene Where the Cop Gets Away With It ST. LOUIS — Police body-cam footage viewers were confident that a local officer recently seen committing a brutal misuse of police force would be relieved…
