May 10, 2020 Former Reddit Mod Successfully Re-Enters Society as Wikipedia Editor Former Reddit Mod Successfully Re-Enters Society as Wikipedia Editor PITTSBURGH — After many shameful years working in the underworld of Reddit moderation, local pedantic jerk Martin Thurn claims to have turned over a new…
May 2, 2020 Historically Shit-Sucking Gamer Swears ‘Valorant’ Is Going to Be Different Historically Shit-Sucking Gamer Swears ‘Valorant’ Is Going to Be Different GREENSBORO, N.C. — Local gamer Harry Olsen, who has sucked shit at every single video game he has ever played, swears he is going to…
April 30, 2020 ‘Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla’ Designed, Developed and Produced by Multicultural Team of Various Weird Sword Dudes ‘Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla’ Designed, Developed and Produced by Multicultural Team of Various Weird Sword Dudes MONTREAL — Ubisoft has taken a diverse approach to their upcoming Norse-themed video game Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, making sure to hire a multicultural team of…
April 13, 2020 Laid Off Gamer Plays Switch in Bathroom Just to Feel Normal Again Laid Off Gamer Plays Switch in Bathroom Just to Feel Normal Again LINCOLN, Neb. — After being laid off from his job at a regional cardboard box supply company last week, local gamer Dale Lowry has reportedly…
April 2, 2020 We Checked in on Red Dead Online and It Still Seems Like a Whole Thing We Checked in on Red Dead Online and It Still Seems Like a Whole Thing In the year since the release of Red Dead Online, Rockstar has given the game a slew of updates and DLC. There are new story…
March 20, 2020 Clifford the Big Red Dog in Critical Condition After Wandering Into Dynamax Battle Clifford the Big Red Dog in Critical Condition After Wandering Into Dynamax Battle HAMMERLOCKE, Galar — Popular children’s book character and television star Clifford the Big Red Dog is reportedly clinging to life after accidentally entering a Dynamax…
March 18, 2020 Quarantine Leaves Introvert Home Alone with Nobody to Tell About What an Introvert He Is Quarantine Leaves Introvert Home Alone with Nobody to Tell About What an Introvert He Is NEW YORK — Self-described introvert Barry Laughlin is reportedly struggling to stay sane during the 14-day coronavirus quarantine period, complaining that the isolation has left…
March 8, 2020 Gamer Touches Stove for First Time This Year Gamer Touches Stove for First Time This Year PASADENA, Calif. — Local gamer Miles Trench has reportedly touched his fingertip to the surface of his oven for the first time since November 2019, moving…
February 25, 2020 47 Dead at HBO ChernobylCon 47 Dead at HBO ChernobylCon CHERNOBYL, Ukraine — Superfans of the acclaimed HBO historical miniseries Chernobyl gathered for the first annual ChernobylCon fan convention last weekend, leaving at least 47…
