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Character quizzes are all the rage on the internet these days. Everyone wants to know what traits and characters they most align with through a series of fun, lighthearted personal questions. Don’t you want to know what Mario character you are? Well there is no need to even take a quiz. The Mario character you are is Toad. 

Trust me, I don’t need to ask you any questions. Just from looking at you, I can tell you are the Toad of your friend group. You are the Toad of your family. You are the Toad of your workplace, Church, and neighborhood. Buddy, you’re Toad. Nothing you could answer on any quiz or even do in your Toad life will ever change this fact; the quiz was over the moment you left your mother’s womb. 

William Shakespeare said that some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. I am here to tell you that you were born Toad. You achieved Toad (if you call that an achievement.) Finally, you had Toad thrust upon you.

Is this a bad thing? Is it a good thing? There are certainly positives and negatives to being Toad, and the information will have lasting effects on your personal and professional life. On one hand, you’re the fun little guy who helps out your buddies on the way to their own adventures. On the other hand, you’re mostly the background friend, rarely getting a chance to have his own stories. You may not get to compete in the Olympics, but you do get to be the referee. You may not fight in the Smash Bros competitions, but you do get pulled out to block attacks. That’s your role in life, now that you’re a Toad, and it’s up to you to decide what you make of it.

Weep not, my mushroom friend. Understand that this designation is not merely upon your corporeal form. Even death cannot excuse you from this Toad prison you or God has confined you to. Take solace that in your vast, eternal suffering one day you may find peace with your Toad existence.

Also since you asked, I’m obviously Bowser because I’m super cool and badass and strong.