NEW YORK — Self-described introvert Barry Laughlin is reportedly struggling to stay sane during the 14-day coronavirus quarantine period, complaining that the isolation has left him with nobody to listen while he explains what being an introvert is like.
“Alone time is nice, but eventually you start to go crazy,” said Laughlin, who has been splitting his time between gaming and moderating an introverts-only meme page on Facebook. “At this point, I’d do anything for just a few minutes with a living, breathing human so I can tell them that I need alone time or else I’ll go crazy.”
While Laughlin admitted that social distancing measures would help slow the spread of the virus, he also worried that it would slow the spread of information about what it’s like to be an introvert. He expressed concern that people may be in danger of thinking “introverted” means the same thing as “shy” or “reclusive,” when it’s actually way more complicated than that.
“See, people think introverts are shy, but really it’s that we draw our energy from solitude. We’re just special that way,” explained Laughlin, completely unprompted. “I bet there are a lot of people out there who don’t even know that, and with this awful virus keeping introverts like me cooped up in our apartments, they may never know. It’s a real tragedy.”
Laughlin then demanded an end to all press questions, explaining that his social bandwidth had been depleted for the afternoon.
“If you were an empath, you’d already know that,” said Laughlin. “Did you know I’m an empath?”
Listen to the newest episode of our podcast, The Ace Watkins Presidential Hour: