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chase, cops, folder, helicopter, manhunt, police, winrar, zip

FRESNO, Calif. — New police helicopter video shows the massive response to accused WinRAR License thief Michael Ramsey as fifteen squad cars chased him down the highway in pursuit. According to those familiar with the situation, Ramsey may have used WinRAR without paying for up to 47 days, a full week after the time he was supposed to purchase the license.

“We take free trial theft incredibly seriously and we are going to catch this son of a bitch,” said Chief of Police Martin Hopkins moments after the chase began. “When you steal from WinRAR, you steal from all of us. They make it incredibly clear that your trial is going to run out every single time you unzip a folder. You have absolutely no excuse to follow the law.”

The creator of WinRAR, Eugene Roshal, said he was incredibly disturbed to discover that someone had stolen his life’s work.

“The fact that WinRAR doesn’t actually charge you after your trial ends is meant to be a gesture of goodwill,” Roshal explained. “We honestly didn’t even realize that people could abuse that function. We just figured that if we reminded folks using the program, ‘hey, by the way, your trial is up so don’t forget to pay now,’ they would do the right thing. The fact that this man has not done so is like a stake through my heart. I am glad that the police are enforcing this with the full power of the law.”

As of press time, police footage revealed that once officers were able to stop Ramsey’s car and apprehend him, they shot him dead. With the help of Roshal, the police then placed Ramsey’s body into a body bag, and zipped it.

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