November 24, 2017 Nintendo Gearing up for Holiday Season by Destroying Any Remaining Stock Nintendo Gearing up for Holiday Season by Destroying Any Remaining Stock KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo is preparing for the upcoming holiday season by making sure every remaining game and console are destroyed, with its critically lauded Switch…
October 4, 2017 Protesters Remove Statue, Activating Secret Doorway Puzzle Protesters Remove Statue, Activating Secret Doorway Puzzle MONTGOMERY, Ala. — A growing wave of unrest erupted into violence, and then confusion, as protesters removed a confederate statue in the state capitol, and…
September 27, 2017 Inspiring: This Mentally Impaired Blacksmith Continues to Hold Down His Job Despite Repeating Himself Every Five Seconds Inspiring: This Mentally Impaired Blacksmith Continues to Hold Down His Job Despite Repeating Himself Every Five Seconds Staring blankly into the corner of his open-air bazaar-style smithing shack, a man known only as “Smitty” to travelers and locals alike tends to his…
September 21, 2017 College Student’s Fast Travel Ability Unlocked by Bottle of Tequila College Student’s Fast Travel Ability Unlocked by Bottle of Tequila GAINESVILLE, Fla. — UF sophomore Michelle Stevens claims to have fast traveled to her dorm room after downing a bottle of “Se Tiene Especial” Tequila,…
August 23, 2017 Main Character Reassures Final Boss Those Side Quests Meant Nothing to Him Main Character Reassures Final Boss Those Side Quests Meant Nothing to Him WIDOWBRIAR — Video game protagonist Danaes has reportedly assured final boss the Hollowsplicer, Scourge of Xissan, that the many side quests he completed before their epic…
July 23, 2017 Video Game Story Writer Considers Water Level His Ulysses Video Game Story Writer Considers Water Level His Ulysses LANSING, Mich. — Veteran gaming story writer Scott McCormick is reportedly exceptionally pleased with his latest work, the backstory of a water level in an…
July 11, 2017 Climate Scientists Warn That All Super Mario Levels Will Be Underwater by 2025 Climate Scientists Warn That All Super Mario Levels Will Be Underwater by 2025 PARIS — Top climate scientists released a new peer-reviewed research paper today, which warns that all Super Mario stages will become underwater levels within the…
December 10, 2016 NES Classic Edition Lets You Play for One Hour, Then It’s Your Little Brother’s Turn NES Classic Edition Lets You Play for One Hour, Then It’s Your Little Brother’s Turn REDMOND, Wash. — Nintendo’s NES Classic drew sharp reactions from critics and fans alike this week with the announcement of the console’s “time limit” feature,…
