October 15, 2020 Cisco Delays Next-Gen Office Phone for 20th Consecutive Year Cisco Delays Next-Gen Office Phone for 20th Consecutive Year SAN JOSE, Calif. — Citing production issues due to the coronavirus pandemic, Cisco Systems has delayed the long-awaited sequel to their popular Charcoal Gray Unified…
October 13, 2020 Microsoft Introduces Donnie and Luca, the Two Guys Who’ll Be Going Around Collecting Xbox Payments Microsoft Introduces Donnie and Luca, the Two Guys Who’ll Be Going Around Collecting Xbox Payments REDMOND, Wash. — Microsoft revealed some further details about its new payment plans for its upcoming next generation consoles, introducing Donnie and Luca, two employees…
September 24, 2020 DVD Sales of ‘American History X’ Increase 750% Amid Xbox Series X Preorders DVD Sales of ‘American History X’ Increase 750% Amid Xbox Series X Preorders SEATTLE — The controversial 1998 crime film American History X experienced a 750% increase in DVD sales this week, as thousands of customers mistook it…
September 3, 2020 Halo Infinite Harkens Back to the Series’ Roots by Letting Players Collect 25 Computer Parts to Upgrade Grappling Hook Halo Infinite Harkens Back to the Series’ Roots by Letting Players Collect 25 Computer Parts to Upgrade Grappling Hook REDMOND, Wash. — 343 released new information about their upcoming game Halo Infinite today that shows it harkens back to the series’ roots by letting…
August 30, 2020 Review: Microsoft Flight Simulator Is So Realistic My Son Is Still Dead In It Review: Microsoft Flight Simulator Is So Realistic My Son Is Still Dead In It Microsoft Flight Simulator is a masterpiece in realism, from the perfectly tuned flying instruments to the fact that my son Trevor, who tragically passed away…
August 7, 2020 Game Pass Subscriber Trying His Absolute Best Not to Sound Like Microsoft Shill Game Pass Subscriber Trying His Absolute Best Not to Sound Like Microsoft Shill BLOOMSBURG, Pa. — Satisfied Game Pass subscriber Sergio DePalma is reportedly struggling not to sound like a total shill while discussing Microsoft’s service with friends.…
June 29, 2020 Rockstar: Red Dead Redemption 2 Will Be “Even More Tedious” on Next-Gen Consoles Rockstar: Red Dead Redemption 2 Will Be “Even More Tedious” on Next-Gen Consoles NEW YORK — In anticipation of upcoming next-gen video game consoles, Rockstar Games has promised an enhanced version of Red Dead Redemption 2, which will…
April 16, 2020 Opinion: You’re a Fucking Moron If You Really Believe the Xbox Series X Will Be Big Enough to Hold 6 Teraflops Opinion: You’re a Fucking Moron If You Really Believe the Xbox Series X Will Be Big Enough to Hold 6 Teraflops Don’t let yourself get suckered by all that fancy talk Microsoft is blowing up your ass. There’s just no way the Xbox Series X could…
December 27, 2019 Xbox Player Making Whole Performance Out of Adjusting to PS4 Controller Xbox Player Making Whole Performance Out of Adjusting to PS4 Controller ASTORIA, N.Y. — Despite a litany of other explanations for his subpar performance across several local multiplayer games, local Xbox player Jonathan Haff has been…
