x-men

Magneto’s Credit Cards All Fucked Up

GENOSHA — Brotherhood of Mutants leader Magneto has vowed revenge on humanity for designing credit cards that are destroyed by…

4 years ago

Professor X Unsure What to Do With Mutant Whose Only Power Is Knowing When Bob Seger Song Is Playing on Any Classic Rock Radio Station in America

NORTH SALEM, N.Y. — Professor Charles Xavier, headmaster at Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, is reportedly at a loss…

4 years ago

Here are the 48 Best Times to Take Bathroom Break During ‘Dark Phoenix’

With a 114-minute running time and questionable buzz in advance of its release, you might be wondering whether you’ll have…

5 years ago

Bald Guy in Wheelchair Not Sure What to Be For Halloween

MANCHESTER, N.H. — Grant Shelling, a bald wheelchair-bound professor at Manchester Community College, browsed a local Party City in an…

6 years ago

I Refuse to Believe This Character Made of Ice Could Be Gay

Right off the bat, I wanna be very clear about something: I’m the #1 Iceman fan in the world, OK?…

7 years ago