April 23, 2021 Magneto’s Credit Cards All Fucked Up Magneto’s Credit Cards All Fucked Up GENOSHA — Brotherhood of Mutants leader Magneto has vowed revenge on humanity for designing credit cards that are destroyed by magnets, making it impossible for…
March 24, 2021 Professor X Unsure What to Do With Mutant Whose Only Power Is Knowing When a Bob Seger Song Is Playing on Any Classic Rock Radio Station in America Professor X Unsure What to Do With Mutant Whose Only Power Is Knowing When a Bob Seger Song Is Playing on Any Classic Rock Radio Station in America NORTH SALEM, N.Y. — Professor Charles Xavier, headmaster at Charles Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, is reportedly at a loss as to how to utilize…
June 6, 2019 Here are the 48 Best Times to Take a Bathroom Break During ‘Dark Phoenix’ Here are the 48 Best Times to Take a Bathroom Break During ‘Dark Phoenix’ With a 114-minute running time and questionable buzz in advance of its release, you might be wondering whether you’ll have time to go relieve yourself…
November 2, 2018 Bald Guy in Wheelchair Not Sure What to Be For Halloween Bald Guy in Wheelchair Not Sure What to Be For Halloween MANCHESTER, N.H. — Grant Shelling, a bald wheelchair-bound professor at Manchester Community College, browsed a local Party City in an attempt to figure out what…
February 9, 2018 I Refuse to Believe This Character Made of Ice Could Be Gay I Refuse to Believe This Character Made of Ice Could Be Gay Right off the bat, I wanna be very clear about something: I’m the #1 Iceman fan in the world, OK? If you aren’t familiar with…
