November 22, 2020 Man Worried He’ll Never Find Open World Game as Good as Her Man Worried He’ll Never Find Open World Game as Good as Her ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local gamer Joe Fleming is reportedly worried that Nintendo’s stunning masterpiece Breath of the Wild has ruined any chance that he’ll ever…
January 17, 2020 Wii U Keeps Insisting Nintendo Consoles Have Big Reunion Wii U Keeps Insisting Nintendo Consoles Have Big Reunion KYOTO, Japan — According to complaints from several anonymous home consoles, the Wii U has been repeatedly insisting that all the Nintendo systems get back…
May 1, 2018 Shitty Game Console Looking Forward to Retro Status Shitty Game Console Looking Forward to Retro Status KYOTO, Japan — Executives at Nintendo are reportedly counting the days until their Wii U console, an underwhelming system released six years ago, becomes old…
April 8, 2018 New Layer of Dust Coming to Wii U New Layer of Dust Coming to Wii U KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo has announced that a collected mass of outdoor minerals and human skin cells will soon be coming to its fourth most…
March 10, 2018 “Guy Who Only Wants to Play Melee” Added to Smash Bros Roster “Guy Who Only Wants to Play Melee” Added to Smash Bros Roster KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo revealed today that the newest addition to the roster of the upcoming Nintendo Switch Super Smash Bros release will be a guy…
March 2, 2018 Burglar Steals Everything But Wii U Burglar Steals Everything But Wii U BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — A local burglar, after stealing hundreds of dollars worth of assorted pieces of technology, specifically decided not to steal a Wii U…
January 18, 2018 Nintendo Finally Manages to Sell Wii U Boxes Nintendo Finally Manages to Sell Wii U Boxes KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo announced today that it will finally be able to make the Wii U a success by reselling the leftover boxes from…
November 24, 2017 Nintendo Gearing up for Holiday Season by Destroying Any Remaining Stock Nintendo Gearing up for Holiday Season by Destroying Any Remaining Stock KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo is preparing for the upcoming holiday season by making sure every remaining game and console are destroyed, with its critically lauded Switch…
November 12, 2017 Nintendo Announces Two-Cans-and-a-String Multiplayer System Nintendo Announces Two-Cans-and-a-String Multiplayer System KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo announced today the Nintendo String, their new voice-chat product for multiplayer games. The String, a new communication device consisting of two…
