October 24, 2020 Trump Criticized for Diverting Funding From Everybody Votes Channel to Check Mii Out Trump Criticized for Diverting Funding From Everybody Votes Channel to Check Mii Out WASHINGTON D.C. — President Donald Trump is facing criticism from Democratic leaders after announcing plans to divert funding from the Nintendo Wii’s Everybody Votes channel…
June 11, 2019 End of an Era: Last Known Wii Sensor Bar Falls Off TV End of an Era: Last Known Wii Sensor Bar Falls Off TV SPOKANE, Wash. — The last known Wii Sensor Bar tumbled off of its television and behind the cabinet early this morning, marking the end of…
May 6, 2019 Date Looks Nothing Like His Mii Date Looks Nothing Like His Mii BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Exasperated by the fact that she’d been misled by yet another exaggerated profile picture, sources say that Tinder user Samantha Young was…
June 9, 2018 Purist Surgeon Refuses to Operate Surgery Robot With Anything but GameCube Controller Purist Surgeon Refuses to Operate Surgery Robot With Anything but GameCube Controller BOSTON — Explaining that newer controllers don’t quite provide the same comfort or familiarity, surgeon Dr. Frank Powell said this morning that he refuses to…
May 1, 2018 Shitty Game Console Looking Forward to Retro Status Shitty Game Console Looking Forward to Retro Status KYOTO, Japan — Executives at Nintendo are reportedly counting the days until their Wii U console, an underwhelming system released six years ago, becomes old…
February 16, 2018 Here’s a Helpful Rundown of Dark Souls Lore for You Pathetic Nintendo Casuals Here’s a Helpful Rundown of Dark Souls Lore for You Pathetic Nintendo Casuals Dark Souls is coming out for the Nintendo Switch despite the fact Nintendo consoles are only for children. I would question FromSoftware’s decision to honor…
February 5, 2018 Mario Sent into Existential Crisis After Losing Go-Kart Race to Baby Version of Self Mario Sent into Existential Crisis After Losing Go-Kart Race to Baby Version of Self MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Following the first race of this year’s 150cc Star Cup, Mario was sent into an existential crisis, having finished several places behind…
November 24, 2017 Nintendo Gearing up for Holiday Season by Destroying Any Remaining Stock Nintendo Gearing up for Holiday Season by Destroying Any Remaining Stock KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo is preparing for the upcoming holiday season by making sure every remaining game and console are destroyed, with its critically lauded Switch…
November 12, 2017 Nintendo Announces Two-Cans-and-a-String Multiplayer System Nintendo Announces Two-Cans-and-a-String Multiplayer System KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo announced today the Nintendo String, their new voice-chat product for multiplayer games. The String, a new communication device consisting of two…
