October 26, 2020 Nestlé Files Lawsuit Claiming Moon Has No Legal Right to Water Nestlé Files Lawsuit Claiming Moon Has No Legal Right to Water ARLINGTON, Va. — Nestlé USA announced a lawsuit against the round astronomical body orbiting Earth, claiming the mass has no inherent legal right to possess…
August 8, 2020 Olimar Insists Red Pikmin are “Virtually Immune” to Drowning Olimar Insists Red Pikmin are “Virtually Immune” to Drowning PNF-404 — Captain Olimar insisted to a group of red Pikmin today that they need not worry while trying to cross a river because they…
July 26, 2020 Food and Water Now Exclusive to Epic Games Store Food and Water Now Exclusive to Epic Games Store CARY, N.C. — Building on their catalogue of exclusive video games, the Epic Games store announced a multi-billion dollar deal to become the world’s only…
March 27, 2019 Circus Level Inexplicably Pulling Double Duty as Water Level Circus Level Inexplicably Pulling Double Duty as Water Level PHOENIX — Local resident Shauna Johnson was playing the newest hit indie platformer when she made a shocking discovery: a level she had understood as…
March 17, 2018 Water in Shitty New Game Looks Beautiful Water in Shitty New Game Looks Beautiful AUSTIN — Early reviews are indicating that “Adventures of Slappy,” a newly released action/adventure game, has horrible controls, ugly characters, a confusing story, and stunningly…
July 11, 2017 Climate Scientists Warn That All Super Mario Levels Will Be Underwater by 2025 Climate Scientists Warn That All Super Mario Levels Will Be Underwater by 2025 PARIS — Top climate scientists released a new peer-reviewed research paper today, which warns that all Super Mario stages will become underwater levels within the…
