November 3, 2020 Guy Writing In “Waluigi” for President Doesn’t Actually Want Waluigi to Be President Guy Writing In “Waluigi” for President Doesn’t Actually Want Waluigi to Be President ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local voter Martin Frost does not actually want video game character Waluigi to be president, despite writing him in under “president” on…
October 23, 2020 Nintendo Confirms Dry Bones is Uncircumcised for Some Reason Nintendo Confirms Dry Bones is Uncircumcised for Some Reason KYOTO, Japan — In a new interview with Famitsu, Nintendo President Shuntaro Furukawa inexplicably veered off topic to confirm that Mario villain Dry Bones is…
October 22, 2020 We’re Done With Waluigi. From Now On, We’re All In on Dry Bones We’re Done With Waluigi. From Now On, We’re All In on Dry Bones We here at Hard Drive, but also we as a culture, have spent a lot of time focusing on Nintendo’s scraggly purple stick man, Waluigi.…
October 1, 2020 Charles Martinet Steps Down as Voice of Mario After Being Unable to Finish Eating Gigantic Bowl of Spaghetti Charles Martinet Steps Down as Voice of Mario After Being Unable to Finish Eating Gigantic Bowl of Spaghetti SAN JOSE, Calif. — Famous Nintendo voice actor Charles Martinet has stepped down as the voice of Mario after failing to complete a big bowl…
June 29, 2019 Waluigi Won’t Be in Smash Bros Until He Solves Israel-Palestine Conflict, Says Sakurai Waluigi Won’t Be in Smash Bros Until He Solves Israel-Palestine Conflict, Says Sakurai TOKYO — Rubbing his face in frustration, Masahiro Sakurai revealed in an improvised Nintendo Direct this morning that the real reason he will not put…
March 14, 2019 Purple Smoke Coming From Nintendo HQ Means New Waluigi Chosen Purple Smoke Coming From Nintendo HQ Means New Waluigi Chosen KYOTO, Japan — Onlookers audibly gasped, whispered with excitement, and began to raise their voices in prayer as purple smoke rising from the Nintendo headquarters…
June 14, 2018 Sakurai: Waluigi is Too Big to Fit in Smash Bros Sakurai: Waluigi is Too Big to Fit in Smash Bros KYOTO, Japan — Masahiro Sakurai, creator of the video game series Super Smash Bros., explained to disappointed fans today that the reason Waluigi is not…
April 21, 2018 Mario Defends Italy’s WW2 Actions in Controversial Interview Mario Defends Italy’s WW2 Actions in Controversial Interview NEW DONK CITY — Iconic video game star Mario Mario is under fire for his controversial defense of Italy’s actions during World War 2 in…
January 27, 2018 “Super Waluigi Odyssey” Indefinitely Shelved Due to Excessive Nudity “Super Waluigi Odyssey” Indefinitely Shelved Due to Excessive Nudity REDMOND, Wash. — Nintendo told fans today that it will not be releasing the previously announced “Super Waluigi Odyssey” in the foreseeable future, citing it’s…
