ultimate

Embarrassed Ridley Assures Smash Player He’s Much Bigger Canonically

SCHENECTADY, N.Y. — Dragon-like space pirate and Super Smash Bros. Ultimate fighter Ridley assured a teary-eyed man controlling his moves…

4 years ago

Man Who Spent 270 Hours Playing Xenoblade Series Relieved it Meant Something

WANTAGH, N.Y. — Local gamer Lawrence Olson has reportedly breathed a sigh of relief following the announcement that the next…

4 years ago

Guy Who’s Really Good at Landing Mario’s Forward Smash Can’t Possibly Have Hurt All Those People

SAN DIEGO — Fans of professional Smash Bros. player and alleged sexual predator ‘K1ra’ have reported widespread feelings of disbelief…

4 years ago

Boyfriend Down to Two Stocks After Being Knocked Off Bed

ALBANY, N.Y. — Local boyfriend Dennis McElris is reportedly down to just two stocks after being knocked off the bed…

5 years ago

36-Year-Old Gamer Practicing Every Day For Casual Smash Bros Match With Nephew at Family Get Together

ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Jimmy Feldman has reportedly been practicing Super Smash Bros. Ultimate for three hours every single day after…

5 years ago

ZeRo Tells Fiancée He’d Rather Just Stream Their Wedding Than Attend

ORLANDO, Fla. — Professional Super Smash Bros. player Gonzalo “ZeRo” Barrios reportedly told his fiancée Vanessa late last night that…

6 years ago

Guy Who Doesn’t Have $60 Right Now Somehow Manages to Buy Switch, Smash Bros, Two Pro Controllers, and Ethernet Adapter

TUCSON, Ariz. — Local gamer Pierce Roderick has reportedly gathered enough capital to purchase all of the necessary equipment for…

6 years ago