April 2, 2021 Embarrassed Ridley Assures Smash Player He’s Much Bigger Canonically Embarrassed Ridley Assures Smash Player He’s Much Bigger Canonically SCHENECTADY, N.Y. — Dragon-like space pirate and Super Smash Bros. Ultimate fighter Ridley assured a teary-eyed man controlling his moves at a local tournament today…
March 4, 2021 Man Who Spent 270 Hours Playing Xenoblade Series Relieved it Meant Something Man Who Spent 270 Hours Playing Xenoblade Series Relieved it Meant Something WANTAGH, N.Y. — Local gamer Lawrence Olson has reportedly breathed a sigh of relief following the announcement that the next Super Smash Bros. Ultimate DLC…
July 16, 2020 Guy Who’s Really Good at Landing Mario’s Forward Smash Can’t Possibly Have Hurt All Those People Guy Who’s Really Good at Landing Mario’s Forward Smash Can’t Possibly Have Hurt All Those People SAN DIEGO — Fans of professional Smash Bros. player and alleged sexual predator ‘K1ra’ have reported widespread feelings of disbelief that someone so capable with…
March 8, 2020 Boyfriend Down to Two Stocks After Being Knocked Off Bed Boyfriend Down to Two Stocks After Being Knocked Off Bed ALBANY, N.Y. — Local boyfriend Dennis McElris is reportedly down to just two stocks after being knocked off the bed by his sleeping girlfriend Jennifer…
May 29, 2019 36-Year-Old Gamer Practicing Every Day For Casual Smash Bros Match With Nephew at Family Get Together 36-Year-Old Gamer Practicing Every Day For Casual Smash Bros Match With Nephew at Family Get Together ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Jimmy Feldman has reportedly been practicing Super Smash Bros. Ultimate for three hours every single day after work in preparation for when…
January 30, 2019 ZeRo Tells Fiancée He’d Rather Just Stream Their Wedding Than Attend ZeRo Tells Fiancée He’d Rather Just Stream Their Wedding Than Attend ORLANDO, Fla. — Professional Super Smash Bros. player Gonzalo “ZeRo” Barrios reportedly told his fiancée Vanessa late last night that he will not be attending…
December 7, 2018 Guy Who Doesn’t Have $60 Right Now Somehow Manages to Buy Switch, Smash Bros, Two Pro Controllers, and Ethernet Adapter Guy Who Doesn’t Have $60 Right Now Somehow Manages to Buy Switch, Smash Bros, Two Pro Controllers, and Ethernet Adapter TUCSON, Ariz. — Local gamer Pierce Roderick has reportedly gathered enough capital to purchase all of the necessary equipment for him to properly play the…
