January 27, 2019 Democrats in Disarray After President Trump Tweets That US Constitution Isn’t Canon Democrats in Disarray After President Trump Tweets That US Constitution Isn’t Canon WASHINGTON — The newly-emboldened Democratic Party is in disarray today after President Trump announced on social media that the United States Constitution is no longer…
January 9, 2019 Congress Attempts to Reboot Government in Safe Mode Congress Attempts to Reboot Government in Safe Mode WASHINGTON — Members of the newly-inaugurated 116th Congress of the United States are already facing a fresh challenge: rebooting a shutdown government in safe mode.…
December 13, 2018 Mueller Just Going to Grind a Few More Levels Before Final Boss Fight Mueller Just Going to Grind a Few More Levels Before Final Boss Fight WASHINGTON — Robert Mueller, former FBI director and current head of the Special Counsel Investigation into Russian meddling in the 2016 American election, has reported…
November 9, 2018 D&D Party Member With -3 Charisma Keeps Trying to Fucking Roll Deception D&D Party Member With -3 Charisma Keeps Trying to Fucking Roll Deception WASHINGTON — Sarah Huckabee Sanders, roleplaying as Press Secretary, was seen attempting yet another Deception roll despite her character sporting an abysmal 5 total Charisma…
September 5, 2018 Democrats Enlist HQ Host Scott Rogowsky to Filibuster Supreme Court Nominee Democrats Enlist HQ Host Scott Rogowsky to Filibuster Supreme Court Nominee WASHINGTON — Democratic leaders have brought in Scott Rogowsky, host of HQ Trivia, to aid in the filibuster of Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, utilizing…
June 22, 2018 Newly Created US Space Force Ganked by EVE Online Player With $3,000 Ship Newly Created US Space Force Ganked by EVE Online Player With $3,000 Ship HIGH EARTH ORBIT — The United States’ new Space Force, announced by President Trump this week, suffered a crushing defeat today at the hands of…
April 22, 2018 Donald Trump Reveals Presidency Actually Nuzlocke Run Donald Trump Reveals Presidency Actually Nuzlocke Run WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump revealed via a series of tweets this morning that his presidency has been following the rules of the Pokémon Nuzlocke…
April 14, 2018 Man Anxiously Waiting for HQ Trivia to Start So He Can Type “TRUMP” in Chat Man Anxiously Waiting for HQ Trivia to Start So He Can Type “TRUMP” in Chat KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Larry Pullman, 37, is anticipating this afternoon’s HQ Trivia game in which he plans to type “TRUMP” in the group chat. Playing…
March 27, 2018 Ocarina of Time Owl Announced as New White House Press Secretary Ocarina of Time Owl Announced as New White House Press Secretary WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump surprised Americans today by replacing Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders with the talking owl who appeared in The Legend of…
