August 8, 2020 Olimar Insists Red Pikmin are “Virtually Immune” to Drowning Olimar Insists Red Pikmin are “Virtually Immune” to Drowning PNF-404 — Captain Olimar insisted to a group of red Pikmin today that they need not worry while trying to cross a river because they…
August 4, 2020 Trump Boasts About Getting Through Professor Layton Games “Without Too Much Help” Trump Boasts About Getting Through Professor Layton Games “Without Too Much Help” WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump recently called into Hannity to boast about the minimal help he needed beating the entire series of Professor Layton games…
July 16, 2020 President Trump Appoints Dr. Goomba Tower as New Head, Head, and Head of COVID-19 Task Force President Trump Appoints Dr. Goomba Tower as New Head, Head, and Head of COVID-19 Task Force WASHINGTON — President Trump announced this morning that he would be naming Dr. Goomba Tower as the new head, head, and head of the COVID-19…
April 25, 2020 Donald Trump Recommends All Americans Inject Themselves With Bleach Donald Trump Recommends All Americans Inject Themselves With Bleach WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump recommended Americans inject hit 2004 anime Bleach into their veins in order to prevent the spread of COVID-19, according to…
March 27, 2020 UBI to Be Distributed Over Daily Login Bonus on Whitehouse.gov UBI to Be Distributed Over Daily Login Bonus on Whitehouse.gov WASHINGTON — In order to streamline distribution, sources are reporting that Universal Basic Income will be distributed to Americans via a daily login bonus on…
March 25, 2020 Donald Trump Unleashes Giant Squids on Major U.S. Cities to Unite Americans Against Coronavirus Donald Trump Unleashes Giant Squids on Major U.S. Cities to Unite Americans Against Coronavirus WASHINGTON — President Trump has announced plans to unleash a giant squid on each of the major cities in the United States in an effort…
March 20, 2020 Something Fishy About Private ‘Animal Crossing’ Island That Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, and Prince Andrew Keep Visiting Something Fishy About Private ‘Animal Crossing’ Island That Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, and Prince Andrew Keep Visiting NEW HORIZONS — Those playing the newly released Animal Crossing: New Horizons for the Nintendo Switch noted that there was something odd going on with…
March 14, 2020 Donald Trump Insists He Found Mew Under Truck in Pokémon Red Donald Trump Insists He Found Mew Under Truck in Pokémon Red WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump is being attacked by prominent Democrats today after he claimed he found Mew under a truck in his original playthrough…
December 19, 2019 Impeachment Begins With 3 Days of Pelosi and Trump Charging Their Energy Impeachment Begins With 3 Days of Pelosi and Trump Charging Their Energy WASHINGTON — Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and President Donald Trump began the impeachment process this week by standing in place, slowly charging up…
