February 15, 2021 New ‘Assassin’s Creed’ to Be Set in Ancient Era When Donald Trump Was President New ‘Assassin’s Creed’ to Be Set in Ancient Era When Donald Trump Was President MONTREAL — Following the success of Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, Ubisoft hinted that their next game would delve further into history than ever before, taking place…
January 22, 2021 Oh No: They Removed Donald Trump From Home Alone 2 But Accidentally Replaced Him With Pol Pot Oh No: They Removed Donald Trump From Home Alone 2 But Accidentally Replaced Him With Pol Pot Alright so we have some very good news and some very bad news. Let’s just… let’s start with the good news. Obviously, millions of Americans…
January 20, 2021 Trump Grants Jeffrey Epstein Posthumous Pardon Trump Grants Jeffrey Epstein Posthumous Pardon WASHINGTON — Making full use of his last full day in office, President Donald Trump announced a posthumous pardon of his former friend and “total…
January 14, 2021 Trail of Diet Cokes Set Up to Ensure Smooth Transition of Power Trail of Diet Cokes Set Up to Ensure Smooth Transition of Power WASHINGTON — President Donald J. Trump has peacefully vacated the White House after following a trail of Diet Coke bottles that appeared overnight, multiple anonymous…
December 16, 2020 Donald Trump Retracts Lawsuit Barring Pokémon Company From Using Likeness in Muk Cards Donald Trump Retracts Lawsuit Barring Pokémon Company From Using Likeness in Muk Cards WASHINGTON — Following a string of other legal concessions in the waning days of his term, President Donald Trump announced this morning that he would…
November 29, 2020 Eric Trump Hunts Weakened Donald Jr. for Sport Eric Trump Hunts Weakened Donald Jr. for Sport LA PAMPA, Argentina — Donald Trump Jr.’s recent COVID-19 diagnosis has inspired his brother Eric to hunt him for sport, several sources close to the…
November 8, 2020 Donald Trump Decides to Buy PS5 After All Donald Trump Decides to Buy PS5 After All WASHINGTON — After initially claiming he was going to hold out until more exclusive next-gen titles became available, President Donald Trump has reversed his claim…
November 7, 2020 Republicans Try to Decipher “Haha Just Chillin” After QAnon Accidentally Posts on Wrong Account Republicans Try to Decipher “Haha Just Chillin” After QAnon Accidentally Posts on Wrong Account WASHINGTON — Republicans nationwide are struggling to decipher a cryptic message from Q, the anonymous leader of conspiracy theory QAnon, after they accidentally posted “haha…
November 5, 2020 Gamer Tip: Your Vote Is Wasted If It’s Not Concentrated on a Blinking Weak Spot Gamer Tip: Your Vote Is Wasted If It’s Not Concentrated on a Blinking Weak Spot PENNSYLVANIA — Gamer consultants have advised the Trump and Biden campaigns that it’s pointless to spam votes in low-effect areas like California and Kentucky, when…
