June 23, 2021 Rich People Greenlight 14 New Shows About Poor People Rich People Greenlight 14 New Shows About Poor People LOS ANGELES — The wealthy owners of the most popular television networks and streaming services have previewed their fall slate of new shows, and among…
May 11, 2021 Newest Weird Jeff Goldblum Commercial Not Even an Ad for Anything Newest Weird Jeff Goldblum Commercial Not Even an Ad for Anything LOS ANGELES — A national thirty second television spot featuring iconic actor Jeff Goldblum does not appear to actually be spreading awareness of any brand…
March 17, 2021 Man Gets 4 Episodes Into WandaVision Before Realizing He’s Actually Watching Frasier Man Gets 4 Episodes Into WandaVision Before Realizing He’s Actually Watching Frasier MADISON, Wisc. — Local Marvel fan and notorious dumbass Bailey Lynch was reportedly bamboozled into watching multiple episodes of 1993’s Fraiser under the false assumption…
February 25, 2021 ‘I Hunger for More Movies’ Bellows Minotaur Living Beneath Netflix Headquarters ‘I Hunger for More Movies’ Bellows Minotaur Living Beneath Netflix Headquarters LOS GATOS, Calif. — The grotesque monster living under Netflix cried out in hunger this morning, desperate for more mid-budget features from the streaming platform.…
December 19, 2020 If You Think All TV Remotes Should Be Controllers, You’re a Fucking Idiot If You Think All TV Remotes Should Be Controllers, You’re a Fucking Idiot There’s an article going around today, making the ridiculous argument that all TV remotes should actually be gaming controllers. I haven’t read the article—I don’t…
December 19, 2020 It’s Time to Admit That All TV Remotes Should Be Controllers It’s Time to Admit That All TV Remotes Should Be Controllers As our technology gets better and better, people become attached to the familiar. Old interfaces become the preferred, retro designs come back into play, and…
November 7, 2020 Loving Couple Looking to Adopt New TV Show Loving Couple Looking to Adopt New TV Show ANCHORAGE, Ala. — Local couple Alice and Mark Holland are reportedly looking to adopt a new television, bringing it into a home filled with love,…
November 1, 2020 Group of Lifelong Friends Ruins Franchise by Adding Child Character Group of Lifelong Friends Ruins Franchise by Adding Child Character NEW YORK — A group of lifelong friends prepared to have their dynamic changed this week as the announcement was made that a baby would…
October 16, 2020 Scientists Warn Die Hard Simpsons Fans Could Only Like One Season By 2024 Scientists Warn Die Hard Simpsons Fans Could Only Like One Season By 2024 AMSTERDAM — Leading climate scientists have made a startling announcement, alleging that passionate fan enthusiasm for The Simpsons could dwindle to just one season by…
